Although some individuals get divorced without lawyers, it's always wise to have legal representation helping you pursue your best interests -- especially if your spouse is retaining counsel. Although this following info does not qualify for NJ, it is designed for NH residents who are facing the same question. It is recommended that you connect with a local attorney about the specifics of this case. The benefit in the long run may be significant.
An Intensive Settlement Conference is another opportunity to try to settle your case before trial. Since you are self-represented, you should be very familiar with all of your positions and facts, and be able to clearly explain them.The Court-appointed attorney will try to mediate, assist the two of you in negotiations and, hopefully, give you a clear sense of how they think the Judge will rule if the matter is tried. Be prepared and organized with your documents and take seriously the Court appointed attorney's advice regarding the reasonableness of your positions. Trial is time-consuming and very expensive, both financially and emotionally, so both sides should make whatever compromises they can live with in order to end litigation.