Both husband and wife can be pro se. However, you are more likely to be better served by having an attorney represent you. I do not know the facts of your case so I can't tell you why things are not going your way. Before you go pro se, speak to your current attorney and/or speak to a new attorney to get a better handle on your case.
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You can always go Pro Se but if your spouse has an attorney you will probably be outmatched so it would not be advisable. When there is a disputed custody matter the Parties are first sent to mediation. Maybe you could resolve your dispute with the Court ordered mediation.
As much as all of us would like to answer your question online, all family law cases, and especially custody, are very fact specific. I would be doing you a disservice if I even attempted to answer your question without obtaining more of the background history, substantive facts involved, and the procedural history thus far in Court. I am happy to sit down with you and go through all of this and give you advice. If you are interested, please feel free to contact my office to schedule an appointment. (201) 880-9770. Thank you!