Do you have an attorney? Are you planning to retain one? If you are wrangling over this kind of thing you have to either get serious about negotiating a property settlement agreement, or you have to prepare for a long and unrewarding litigation process. Regarding the shower gifts, you received those before the marriage and so they would be "separate," i.e., not marital property to be divided. But the property might have become shared property. Are we talking blenders, and china here? My recommendation would be to get with a good attorney and get to the negotiating table.
It will depend on whether Virginia considers the items brought into the marriage part of the marital estate. Speak with a Virginia attorney to confirm how the state answers that issue.
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Good point about the shower being before the marriage. Keep in mind that in my experience, people say things on purpose to hurt if they know it will cause a reaction. Speak to an attorney in Va absolutely and give him a coffee maker to shut him up!
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I encourage you to consult with an experienced family law attorney to discuss the specifics of your case. Many of us on this website offer free consultations. You will want to discuss your priorities with your attorney - what is most important to you in terms of the property you want to retain after the divorce. Good luck.
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