My bf and I have been together for 5 years. We have a 7yo daughter. The biomom abandoned the child with my bf and HIS mother when the child was born. My bf tried to have a relationship with the biomom for a short while after the baby was born. He found her cheating on him while he was working. They broke up and the biomother had almost nothing to do with him or the child. The biomother only saw the child on holidays when my bf would take the baby to visit, but it wasn't even her idea. It was his trying to be responsible. The biomom told my bf after he found her cheating and broke up with her that he wasn't the real father. He didn't care & the 2 of us help his mom raise our daughter. The biomom 2 1/2 years ago came back into the childs life. We want full custody though. Possible?
I hate to put this in such harsh terms, but legally this is not "your" child or "our" child. If you were legally married to the child's biological father, then you would be legally recognized as the child's "step-parent", which would give you standing as a third-party with a legitimate interest in the child as it is defined in the Virginia statute.
If the mother were willing to relinquish her parental rights and consent to you legally adopting the child (and your bf is in fact the biological father of the child), then she would be "our" child.
As things stand currently, the child's father could petition for sole custody (which is what I assume you mean by the term "full" custody, which is not technically the proper legal term).
The paternal grandmother could also be the one to petition for custody (as she is a person with a legitimate interest. However, the presumption in the law favors custody to a parent over custody to a non-parent, so it would be a more difficult case for the grandmother to win custody against the biological mother (or the biological father) of the child.
If the mother disputes that your bf is the actual father, then she may raise that as a defense to his custody petition (or even the paternal grandparent's petition) and request a determination of parentage (i.e., paternity test). The court will then order DNA testing and if the test results show that your bf is NOT the child's biological parent, then there is a substantial probability that the child will go to the mother and none of you will even have visitation rights to the child (as your boyfriend -- and by extension his family and household members -- would have no legal rights to this child).
So, before anyone goes poking the proverbial bear (i.e., filing an custody petitions or otherwise irritating the child's mother), I would recommend that the father spend the money to have the DNA test done for paternity on his own. He has access to the child (so can easily obtain the child's DNA) and there should be no reason why the mother's DNA would be needed to establish paternity. If it turns out that he is not the biological father but wants to continue raising the child, then his best bet is to appease the biological mother and keep the matter out of court.
This response does not create an attorney-client relationship and is intended for general information purposes only.
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