If neither parent still resides in NC, NC has NO subject matter jurisdiction. You don't need their release.
Apparently you are seeking custody of the other children (and maybe the one already in WA, if not previously done through the court), with the father in Virginia. If they have been there at least six months, Virginia would be considered their "home state", for purposes of the UCCJEA.
Basically, you have to have two actions pending: one in each state. Then you ask the judges in each court to phone each other to discuss which court ought to decide the pending parenting issues. One will yield to the other, and you then continue in the court which prevails.
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