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How do I get my 13 year old daughter to break up with her soon to be 17 year old boyfriend?

Millerton, NY |

This has been a constant battle between her father and I. We have told her to break up with him numerous times. We have expressed our concerns to the school that they both attend and the school is on board. Both her principal and his have told them they are to have not contact at school but still they seem to find away. My daughter has spoken with the school social worker and has be told by her and us that he could be charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor and once he turns 17 and there is sexual contact it is then statutory rape. I can't make her understand the consequences of their actions. They are even close to the point of sex-ting. I'm at a loss. Please Help.

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Attorney answers 3


This seems to be a problem that is more and more prevalent every year that goes by. I feel for your situation. However, sexual contact between a 17 and 13 year old is not rape in NY. It does fall under the category of Sexual Misconduct, which is a misdemeanor. Some prosecutors would be hesitant about even going forward with that charge since they are fewer 4 years apart in age. However, it IS a crime, and a serious one; it should be stressed to both of these children. If you really feel that your daughter is in danger of becoming pregnant, truant, etc., then you could always file a petition in family court alleging that she is a person in need of supervision (PINS). Be warned though, this sometimes backfires and the two kids are sometimes drawn together even more closely. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck.


Like the previous attorney answered, a Person In Need of Supervision (PINS) petition could be filed in family court. The family court can require counseling. Alternatively, you could try finding a counsellor or therapist, but this would require your daughter to voluntarily attend. There are not enough details here, but you might not want to think of filing charges against the boyfriend as your first choice of action. This would certainly alienate your daughter.
Richard F. sweeney, Esq.

The answering of this question does not create an attorney-client relationship.


There's no way to use the law to force them to actually break up with each other. As others here have pointed out, anything you do to that end will likely just make them hold on that much tighter.

That said, one approach that's so far been conspicuous by its absence is this: Can you try talking to the boy's parents? They should be made to understand that he might be facing some criminal consequences. People take sex crimes extraordinarily seriously these days. The risk of that might make him back off - at least until they're both of the age of consent. Then, there's really no recourse.

Nothing posted on this site is intended to create an attorney-client relationship. Each case is unique. You are advised to have counsel at all stages of any legal proceeding, and to speak with your own lawyer in private to get advice about your specific situation.

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