My suggestion if you can't afford attorney right now is Start videotaping the exchanges and tape recording conversations. Please check the laws in your state regarding restrictions on this. In florida i think you can tape record as long as you tell the person they are being recorded. But remember, tape recording goes both ways, it will show your attitude also. I've noticed that this usually calms things down over the exchanges and little things you really shouldn't be fighting over. Keep a journal. Most states go by "best interest of the child" and iowa may have specific things they look for in determining custody. It may be difficult but its your kids so its worth it.