Failure to take action now can have dire consequences (and I'm not trying to scare you in any way). You want to make sure that if the home has any equity in it, a lis pendens is filed so title cannot be transferred and any potential attempts to refinance may potentially be thwarted, that the retirement accounts are protected by filing notices of adverse interests and joining them to the action, etc. Speak with an attorney prior to making the move to make sure that matters are in order.
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You have some very complex issues going on here, not the least of which is your husband's personality disorders. The first thing you need to consider is real life - protect yourself without leaving him "high and dry". Make sure you have what you need to continue - shelter, food, etc. You should also consider what kind of process you want to choose based on your own goals. I don't know of anyone who enters a divorce saying "I'm going to pay from some lucky divorce attorney's retirement". When dealing with personality disorders, that's exactly what will happen. Everything will be a battle, whether you want it or not. Working with the right professionals, however, can limit the financial hemorrhage. There are a number of options: a mediation team, a collaboration team or even collaborative/mediation trained attorneys. I think a financial would be very helpful, and coaches would definitely be a tremendous help.
For more information on helpful options, feel free to visit my web site or call me. There is also a class called "Second Saturday" being offered 6/12/10 at Riverside City College. I am one of the professionals lecturing that day.
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