He's at risk for the filing of a probation violation now by the fact that you and he have started talking again. Could be bad -- some courts are very antagonized by overt defiance of court orders.
It is not the case that domestic violence is a private issue between the victim and offender. There are enormous costs to the legal and law enforcement systems caused by these cases, and important consequences for children and public safety. The law recognizes these massive social costs and is purposely designed to be used for the prevention of subsequent offenses. No-contact orders are an important and powerful mechanism by which the law attempts to achieve prevention of further offenses.
Your wish to drop the no-contact order does not bind or limit the decisions of the probation officer or the court as to what legal actions are necessary to inhibit you and your ex-husband from future similar incidents. You can request the P.O. to drop or recommend the dropping of the order, but you cannot compel that decision. The PO will make a recommendation or decide based on the seriousness of the original offense, prior criminal history, and the likelihood of subsequent offenses. The fact that he has already acted in violation of the order is not a fact in his favor.
In many cases, the objectives of the prosecution of these kinds of cases were primarily to get an offender on probation and subject to immediate and harsher punishment for any subsequent offenses. Hence my concern about the fact that you and your ex-husband have already acted beyond the prohibitions specified by the order.
My responses to questions on Avvo are never intended as legal advice and must not be relied upon as legal advice. I give legal advice only in the course of an attorney-client relationship. Exchange of information through Avvo's Questions forum does not establish an attorney-client relationship with me. That relationship is established only by individual consultation and execution of a written agreement for legal services.
The no contact order is a court order. If you want it lifted, the court will have to issue an order terminating the no contact order. Contact your ex-husband's attorney and let him know you want the no-contact order lifted. The attorney can draft an affidavit for you to sign saying you want the no contact order lifted, and then he can talk to the prosecutor about doing an agreed order for the judge to sign. If your ex's attorney won't help, you can contact the deputy prosecuting attorney who prosecuted the case directly (or victim assistance person at the prosecutor's office) and tell them your ex is turning his life around and you want to reconcile with him and you need to know how to get the no-contact order lifted. They can draft an order for the judge.
Be careful, though. If you guys have "just started talking again," then he is VIOLATING the no contact order. When you say that the no contact order has made reconciling "a little harder," it is clear that you don't understand the magnitude of what your ex is doing by talking to you. Stop it right now. The prosecutor or his probation officer could petition the court to revoke his probation because he's violating the no contact order. That's why you first want to try to go thru his attorney. If you do have to go through the prosecutor, just tell them that you've heard he's getting his life on straight and he's attending church, and you don't want there to be a no contact order any longer.
This answer does not create an attorney-client relationship and this answer is not to be construed as legal advice, as the full extent of the situation has not been made clear in the question. If you need to seek legal advice, see an attorney.
Just to make sure there isn't a misunderstanding, I'm certain that Attorney Reece was suggesting that you do not volunteer any detrimental information and shouldn't be interpreted to mean that you should give any misinformation.