Divorce - I know New York is a no-fault state. However, as I understand it, there are still grounds to which a divorce can be contemplated, including adultery. I know with whom my wife had affairs, his name and address. We are still married and living together with two small children.
Unfortunately, these days it makes no difference. Unless you can prove she was spending major funds on him or otherwise an affair really has no affect on any other factors of a divorce. Thereby, if your wife was the one paying for hotels, etc...her finances will show that and maybe then you can depose him but otherwise probably not.
First and foremost, I'm licensed in FL, not NY, so the laws could differ some. Notwithstanding this point, an attorney is generally free to ask whatever questions he/she chooses during a deposition so long as the questions are pertinent to the case and do not harass the deponent. That said, I would doubt such evidence would be admissible at trial unless it is needed to demonstrate your marriage is irretrievably broken.
Personal decency is never an issue in any divorce action anywhere. However, if the wife spent lavishly on her lover, then the economic waste of marital assets may be an issue. Check with your attorney as to his approach to this.
First, questions which relate to grounds presumptively are precluded from being asked at a deposition. Second, a better way of handling it may be to serve interrogatories which pose questions seeking to gain relevant information as it pertains to claims pending in the case. Schedule a consult with a Westchester Divorce attorney for a full assessment.
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