While there is not enough information to tell how much of any assets you are entitled to, there is clearly enough to know that you are being bullied in the hope that you will give in. Do NOT listen to your husband. Listen to your lawyer. If you don't have one, get one. If your husband makes noticeably more money than you, he'll probably be ordered to pay for most of your attorney fees. So don't be afraid that you can't afford a lawyer.
As to settlement proposals, attorneys generally exchange them once they have enough information about the case. This is done whether or not the case is scheduled for court. Going to court is not a threat. Don't be afraid of it. Court intervention helps to move the case forward and can actually save time and money in cases where one side is unreasonable. It certainly sounds like your husband fits that description.
Get a lawyer. Trust your lawyer. Listen to your lawyer. Ignore your husband.
This anawer is not intended to create an attorney-client relationship and may be considered attorney advertising. This answer should not supplant advice received from any attorney the questioner may have or obtain, as that attorney will be able to provide more thorough and informed advice.
Firstly - the facts you lay out here are not enough to go on - did your attorney serve a Demand for Discovery and Inspection; Interrogatories; EBT's? There is a difference between monies in a 'private account' and the origin of where those monies came from. Merely because a separate account was opened does not mean that monies therein are not marital property. Has your attorney explained any of this? Perhaps it is time to call your husband's bluff and get aggressive on your end?
If you do not have an attorney - then it is time to retain one.
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You need to consult with your attorney. If you don't have one then you need to get one. You have too much at stake to rely on internet advice, even as good as Avvo advice typically is. Your situation and rights and responsibilities are highly fact dependent. Speak with a local matrimonial attorney.
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Not enough facts. You are entitled to all assets purchased during the marriage with funds earned during the marriage regardless of the title owner of the asset. Any funds/assets that he brought into the marriage to the extent he can trace/track them into an account/asset will come out of the marriage with him. Anything received by way of gift/inheritance from a third party that has not been commingled with marital funds will also be his separate property. The same rules would apply to you. Get an attorney. Offer and counter offers can be made. Whether the case settles is up to you and your husband.