In order to determine whether you want the father or your son at the hearing is beyond the scope of this forum. You need to hire an attorney to represent you. It is possible that the judge may order the father to pay your legal fees. Custody of your son is too important a matter to handle on your own.
The attorney responding is licensed only in the state of North Carolina. This response does NOT constitute legal advice and does NOT create an attorney/ client relationship! Rather, the response is in the form of legal education and is intended to provide general information about the matter in question. Although a response is provided to the specific question, there may be other facts and law relevant to the issue that the questioner has left out and which would make the reply unsuitable. Therefore, the questioner should not base any decision on the answer, but should confer with an attorney in person about the specifics of his or her case.
You need to talk with an experienced family law attorney as soon as possible. One of the finest is Lynn Prather. You can reach her at 919 832 7700. I recommend that you give her a call. Take a look at his video of her discussing child custody:
It sounds as if you do not have an attorney representing you. You need one. I am sure that you can find an attorney in Union or Mecklenburg County who can assist you. If you have no funds for an attorney, under some circumstances some attorneys may agree to represent you in connection with the recovery of your support arrearage on a contingency basis.
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