Under Oregon law, it is illegal to record an in-person conversation unless all the parties to the conversation are aware of and consent to the recording. However, it is legal to record a telephone conversation so long as at least one party to the conversation knows of the recording. So if you want to record a conversation without the other party's awareness, you have to do it over the phone.
(Whether such evidence would be admissible to prove anything is another question entirely. Being controlling and abusive, in the psychological sense of the word, is not actually illegal. Abuse is, of course, illegal, if it consists of causing someone physical harm; placing someone in fear of imminent bodily harm; or subjecting someone to sexual contact by force or threats. If any of these things have happened to you, you should consult in private with an attorney as soon as you can.)
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