You are free to negotiate any living arrangements you want with your soon to be ex and your kids. It may not be the healthiest environment for the children but every family situation is different and depends upon the facts and circumstances of the family unit. It certainly would be cheaper for the two of you to live under the same roof but mentally and emotionally that arrangement may take its toll on the kids and yourself. You could still get divorced but the economics of support and alimony would be effected by the arrangement.
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In New Jersey, people do not need to separate in order to get divorced.
You also ask whether you can "get...the custody still living with him in the same house." Without getting too technical--you need to know that there are two "aspects" to child custody: legal custody and physical custody. Deciding legal custody should not present a problem for the court; deciding physical custody when the parties continue to live together may present problems for the court.
I would need more facts in order to be able to provide you with the best advice. I recommend that you meet with a very experienced Divorce Lawyer in the Morristown area to discuss your options.
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Legally, you could both still live together with the children by agreement.
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Yes, you may divorce in NJ while remaining in the same house. As far as custody, a parenting plan that gives the child time with each parent is better than a custody trial.
973-984-0800. Please be advised my answers to questions does not constitute legal advise and you should not rely on it, due to the fact that we have never met, I have not been aprised of the facts in you case nor have I reviewed any documents.