Sounds as though there is no parenting plan/residential schedule. That may be the first problem - but the next issue is whether the child has been out of the State for six months or longer - if so, another state may have jurisdiction over the child and the mother. You'd need to know specifically, and in your personal consultation with a local family law attorney, you'll need to discuss the basis for your understanding.
"Everyone" - other than the child's mother - does not have standing to make residential placement decisions. If the parents cannot agree, then a court will make the decision. You need to know what court to ask for help. A local family law attorney will probably know a PI who can find the mother and the child.
There is a way to file a parentage action and ask for placement at the same time. This is not self-help law. You and your husband need assistance from a family law attorney in order to set this action up properly. Hope this helps. Elizabeth Powell
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