You can try filing first in Family Court for spousal/child support if you intend to imminently separate from him. Sometimes, however, the Court will refer such matters to Divorce Court (Supreme) if the parties are still residing together, in which case you can make an interim application for spousal support, child support & attorneys fees. Your "proof" is simply the income he records on his 2012 W-2 & tax return, which he's required to produce. In any event, for a full assessment of your situation, I suggest that you schedule a free consultation with a White Plains Divorce attorney.
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If there is a disparity of income, then your lawyer can work with you and get paid from your husband when a request is made for temporary child support, child care, spousal maintenance, and legal fees. Do not be intimidated by your husband being controlling of the finances. This is a common occurrence to control you financially and emotionally. See an experienced divorce lawyer who give a free consultation so that you are better informed of your legal rights. Bring along financial records regarding income and assets of the marriage, if you can.
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You may initiate an action in family court or supreme court even if living together, although that might be quite uncomfortable for you since your spouse sounds overbearing. In either case, support/divorce, you can obtain temporary maintenance (if apart) and child support (if separate household). The General Obligations Law may also come into play. Try legal services or contact the local bar association for attorneys who might do reduced fee or pro bono work.
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I'm only going to add that you may be able to open a credit card and put your legal fees on the card until the lawyer can move to have your husband pay your legal expenses. Talk to some local attorneys for a full assessment of your case.