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Can I request a restraining order from ex fiance, even if it looks like I am harassing him?

Pleasanton, CA |

I have have had major depression & anger issues since before our relationship began. Ex is well aware of the diagnosis, the several medications I take, and has know for more than 6 years. (Together 8+). He recently ended the relationship, & I have discovered he has been leading 2 lives. I have reached my limit with him, and he is pushing buttons that he knows should not be pushed. I try to ignore him, but when he contacts me (email only) I send back a scathing reply. I'm trying to stop, but in the mean time, can I file for a domestic restraining order against him? The replies themselves could be viewed as harassment, but I have/did not initiate contact with him. If he leaves me alone, then I can move on, but each time he emails me, I remember how much of a shallow ass he really is. Thanks

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Attorney answers 3

Best Answer

You can request a restraining order by filing with the court a form DV-100. I have attached a copy of this request to this response. Domestic Violence Restraining Orders (DVRO's) can be acquired to stop a person from contacting you and do not require a showing that any physical abuse be perpetrated against you or threatened.

To acquire a restraining order against this man, you must show the court, specifically on page 5 of the order, that his communications are abusive in some way. It may be helpful here to attach the emails you reference in your question. You seem to be raising an affirmative defense that he may raise. This affirmative defense being that you have somehow instigated the communication with you or are somehow encouraging it or causing him to contact you.

If you are worried that this defense may have merit, I would send him a kind, short, concise email stating that because of recent communications you no longer wish contact with him. This email will put him on notice that any further contact with you will be against your wishes.

If he continues to contact you after informing him that you no longer want contact, I would file the above motion, citing that you told him to stop but that he keeps contacting you. You will have written proof that you told him to stop and that proof will be exhibit #1 in your request for the restraining order.

I wish you the best of luck.

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Yes, you can request a restraining order, but why? Why not simply stop contacting him and change all of your contact information. Do you really want to involve the court system unless you are somehow or another trying to engage him back into a relationship?

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He has changed all of his contact info except for an email address as we do have business that needs to be resolved. He is the one initiating the contact, and my replies are not very lady like. Also, I wouldn't go out with him again even if hell did freeze over! Thanks.

Debra Vaniman Crawford

Debra Vaniman Crawford


This is a case of creating good boundaries and not reacting. Hard to do but it will be worth it in the long run.


Ignore him, do not open his texts, you are placing yourself in danger. If you can't control yourself get rid of your email account and open a new one.

My name is Stephen R. Cohen and I have practiced over 38 years and can be reached at 213-819-1171. I practiced mainly in Los Angeles and Orange County, California. I am not seeking clients from existing relationships with other attorneys, and give only limited advise over the phone (the phone is primarily used to set appointments), these services do not create an attorney client relationship. I apologize for mispelling< as I am a lousy typist, My answers may offend as I do not believe in pulling punches or sugar coating the truth. Further regarding courts in other states my opinions are largely based on logic and what I think is the modern trend which is to consider the needs of the child.