Either the father has to consent or you will need to terminate his parental rights. You should consult with a local attorney to assist you with this adoption.
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You can set it up and they will need to terminate his parental rights.
Doing this without letting him know scrapes the bottom of the barrel at best. Get a hold him and let him know about your intentions. He can even sign off on it if he agrees.
If you are making all the efforts that you say you are, document it all, keep very good records, send letters, make copies of them and the envelopes. Then you can later show the courts that you made the efforts.
Hold on. He's in the military? Go through his chain of command. Call his commanding officer and get him to talk. You can absolutely get a hold of him if he is in the military.
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