I filed pro-se July with all the necessary paperwork and she was served 2 weeks later. She filed an answer (hand written) and did not provide any address information. (It was written on notebook paper and not notarized.)
As long as she was served you can proceed whether she answers or not. Custody comes in two parts; legal and physical. If you are talking about physical custody, a judge is unlikely to grant a 50/50 arrangement but may sign off if the matter is agreed to by the parties. You should seek an attorney's advice on this.
I agree with Mr. Bruner. You can move forward with the divorce. She has to be given notice of hearings and anything filed with the court. Since you have a contested divorce with children involved, I strongly suggest you consult with an attorney.
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