I have 50/50 custody but my 12 yr old (Ale) child does not want to stay with me because I have rules and mother doesn't. 3 months ago, I told sent a letter to the mother said that Ale can stay with her from here forward. The mother came back saying she didn't want her if she didn't get full custody of both. My 5 yr old (Luis) doesn't want to go with their mother wants to stay with me. But the mother lied at mediation and they do not believe me it seems California is a woman's right state. I asked for custody of my son but was denied because the mother does not agree. I do not want continue seeing Luis getting hurt as he states that mother and Ale tell him bad things about me and my wife. I prefer giving up rights and not have him get hurt. but deep in my heart I do not want to give him up. He is and will not be okay with them. They don't feed him but once a day, don't bath him while with mom even when she gets them for 2 weeks, they don't brush their teeth. Shoes and clothing are too small. Mother gets cash aid, food stamps, WIC plus works under the table and lives with her other children's father and states she lives alone yet cannot feed them. I'm so lost.
Did you actually have a hearing in front of a judge (not the mediation)? What happened at the hearing? If you did not have a hearing, you need to file a request for order in court for a custody hearing and tell the judge everything you put in your question here. You do NOT need to give mom full custody! Would that be in the best interest of your children? It does not sound like it from your question. Also, giving mom full custody does not mean you "give up your rights" to your children. Full custody is not the same as losing parental rights. You can only lose your "rights" if someone else legally adopts your children. If you give mom full custody you are still a legal parent and will owe child support still. There is no benefit to you or the children by giving mom full custody. What you need to do is make a good case in front of a judge for the custody arrangement you want. You will likely be more successful if you have the help of a lawyer. In addition, what you describe at mom's house is child neglect. Mom should not have ANY children living with her. I cannot imagine that any judge, if presented with these facts, would not give you at least 50-50 custody, if not more.
The information provided is for general educational purposes only and is not intended to be legal advice. No attorney-client relationship is formed nor should any such relationship be implied. The information provided is of a general nature is not intended to substitute for the advice of an attorney. Please consult with a competent attorney licensed to practice in your jurisdiction to provide you actual legal advice.
First: If you haven't already done this: Write, file, and serve a "Request for Orders" hearing, at your local court, to ask for a parenting plan order that says exactly when each parent will have the children. You can find the forms online on your courthouse's website. Or have an attorney write the forms for you. If you don't already have an open case in your courthouse then, to open a case, you will also need to write, file at the court, and serve to mom either a Divorce Petition if you are married to mom, or a Paternity Petition if you are not married to mom.
You will have an opportunity before the Request for Orders curt hearing to talk to a custody mediator and you can tell the mediator about mom's bad parenting. BUT, unless mom says that what you say about her bad parenting is true (which mom won't say), then you must prove mom does those poor parenting things by witnesses who have seen or heard her do those things (for example feeding the boy only once a day). Note, in addition to other persons, your witness can be your child if he tells the mediator that mom only feeds him once a day, etc. At least initially, those witnesses do not have to come to court if they write a short letter to the court saying their name address and phone number and what they saw or heard mom do, and say at the bottom of their letter, "I declare the above to be true under penalty of perjury."
Note also, the child does NOT get to decide where he/she will live. That decision is made by the judge.
Second: You can give up your RIGHT to see you child by simply not seeing your child. But you cannot give up your DUTY to financially support your child even if you don't see you child. The only way you can give up your duty to support is if mother marries a man who is willing to adopt your child.
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