You will have to serve your spouse to obtain a divorce. I suggest speaking to a matrimonial attorney to go over your options. Good luck.
I have been an attorney in New York for almost 25 years. website: Brooklynlaw.net Phone #: 718-208-6094 email: firstname.lastname@example.org. This answer is only for informational purposes and is not meant as legal advice.
Your question really seems to be about your risk of deportation versus divorce. Your best bet on getting an answer to your immigration question is if it is posted under the immigration practice area. Accordingly, I've edited it. With regard to the Divorce itself, if you meet the residency requirements you can file for a divorce without having your wife's contact information. You will have to conduct a due diligence search, but the Court can order an alternate means of service if she can't be located.
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If your status is illegal no matter what you do you always need to be concerned with this risk. However i will note that citizenship is not a question that is asked usually in a divorce. Status is not one either. I cannot imagine why there would be an ICE refferal, but you may wish to speak to your immigration attorney.
As to the divorce you mention you do not know where she is. If she is a citizen it may be possible to locate her with a search using her information especially if you know her SS number. Ann attorney or agency can help with that. if you are able to locate her you may be able to serve her and she may simply sign the documents allowing for a simple uncontested divorce. If however you cannot locate her there are other options such as divorce by publication.
It may be a good idea to sit down with a local attorney.
The above answer does not constitute an attorney client relationship and/ or retention of counsel. This answer is based upon the facts presented and may change if additional information is provided. The rules of the Bar for New York State may require me to advise that this could be construed as attorney advertisement.
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