If you wish to stay married, a restraining order will not be the most helpful thing to do.
On the other hand, one has to wonder why you would want to stay with someone who abuses you verbally, physically, and emotionally without restraint. And her behavior is not modeling good conduct for your children. If they don't start hitting you, they will certainly grow contemptuous of you if you allow this to go on.
They may also learn to be abusive to their partners as they grow up.
To answer your question, yes, the court can order abusers to go to batterer's intervention.
You could also try to get your wife to go to marriage counseling with you. She will most likely say that *you* are the one who needs counseling, but her inability to move on from her pain - and her lack of self control - suggest otherwise.
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By and large, yes. In a criminal case it could be in lieu of fines and or jail time. In a civil case it certainly could be condition of you being able to see your wife and children. In any event I would not ignore the order.
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