I have been married just over 2 years and with my husband 4 years. A few years ago I cheated on him. Although it's been difficult we have been working through it with counseling. At times we have argued and it has been verbally and emotionally abusive. A few weeks ago he actually strangled me. I could feel myself starting to pass out and he stopped. Our counselor knows he did this because he admitted to it in counseling. He recently accused me of cheating again (I didn't). He holds the power with benefits, etc. He is retiring this week. What are my rights and do I press charges? I don't want to ruin his retirement but I still feel what is wrong is wrong. Any suggestions?JUST TO CLARIFY, EVERYONE, I HAVE MOVED OUT AND AM LIVING WITH MY MOM. THE HARD PART OF ALL OF THIS IS MY SON ADORES THIS MAN, AND LOOKS TO HIM AS HIS DAD BECAUSE MY SON HAS NO RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS FATHER. THAT IS HARD TO DEAL WITH, TOO.
Get out. I must assume he is a police officer (retirement?) but calling in an old attack is far less important than getting out.
Go to a shelter. File for divorce. Your life is in danger.
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I concur. Your life is more valuable then anything else. Who knows, maybe next time it will be a gun to your head.
The first issue is domestic violence and criminal liability. Strangling a person is domestic violence and a crime.
The next thing is community property. After a two-year marriage your claim to community property, his pension etc will not be large.
As for spousal support, you may get a year of spousal support. In short marriages, that rule usually applies.
You seem not to work as you see the fact that he has benefits as power. Do you have work history and what are your options for supporting yourself? Sadly, being supported is not as important as being safe. There are services for victims of domestic violence.
In my world of experience, I have observed that a physical abuser, when not held accountable, will escalate their physical abuse, Confessing to a counselor is not the same as being held accountable. It is only confessional, and useful as it is, will only cover over his guilt until such a time as he refuses to discipline his abusive impulses at a later time. You won't ruin his retirement by getting out and claiming you CP share of the retirement contributions made during the two years of your marriage. In actuality it will be small and inconsequential. You only have rights to the half of the CP value of the retirement earned during the marriage of two years - not half of his total retirement. But you do need to file a TRO and an RO for domestic violence, seek a restraining order and get out. He will need to pay you spousal support, (he has a moral responsibility to do this as he forced you to leave a bad situation). Get help from a family law attorney.
One you're safe, see a good lawyer to get your alimony, pro rata share of the pension and property division.
The answers on this discussion board are general in nature and NOT intended as legal advice. Responding to questions does not constitute an attorney-client relationship. Always see a lawyer about your individual situation.
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