Here is what you can expect from Xavier Martine and his law firm. Your first interaction will be with the sales representative — a well-dressed, polished “closer” who offers a 30-minute free consultation. He knows all the sales buzzwords, emphasizes the urgency of “getting ahead of this,” and pai...nts a very confident picture of what Martine Law Firm will do for you. He’ll quote the fee, take your payment, and assure you you’re in good hands. Next, you’ll hear from the paralegal — your official “point person.” She’ll be upbeat, enthusiastic, and will send an email filled with exclamation points, listing the team members who will be assisting you. She will then schedule a Zoom meeting with your attorney. During the Zoom meeting, your attorney will be friendly and supportive, though in my case she appeared in front of a bizarre CGI-style virtual background — in hindsight, that should have been a red flag. Everyone will smile, reassure you, gather your information, and seem genuinely ready to help. And that is likely the last time you will hear from any of them. When you need a specific piece of information — something discussed during that optimistic Zoom meeting — and you have a firm deadline, you’ll email the paralegal (the same one who sent the cheerful, exclamation-filled messages). You’ll remind her the deadline is 48 hours away. No response. The day before the deadline, you follow up again. Still nothing. You call your attorney. No answer. You email her. Nothing. You text her. Nothing. You text the paralegal. Nothing. You call the number she provided — the number for your “point person.” It has been disconnected. At this point, panic sets in. You call and text everyone — including the original salesperson who signed you. No one responds. So you start Googling, find the main office number, call it… and who answers? Your paralegal — sounding as though you’ve just interrupted her engagement dinner. Only then are you told that the information you urgently needed — the very thing you paid them thousands of dollars to obtain — is “not available.” And that’s when it hits you: if this had been a true emergency, like an arrest, you would have been completely screwed. Attention to detail: 0 Customer service: 0 Follow-through: 0 Salesmanship: 10