Posted by anonymous
However, if you're just an ordinary human being going through the extraordinarily stressful parting of the matrimonial ways -- find yourself a cheap and cheerful lawyer; preferably one who knows the in's and out's of your local judicial establishment.
On a recommendation I hired this guy to handle a divorce. After bragging that he could do the job quickly -- and promising that he could get a piece of my soon-to-be ex's future salary (I had put her through law school) -- I forked over a $10,000 retainer.
Little did he know that the ex found herself a powerful local bottom-feeder in White Plains (yes, I do live in Westchester) and successfully turned the tables on Mr. Lotwin and company. Not only did I manage to get thrown out of my house (which caused nothing short of a short circuit in Mr. Lotwin's brain cells -- causing him to parade pomposely, but ineffectually, to Yonkers Family Court), but eventually lost my life savings through the malfunctioning machinations of Tenzer Greenblatt. While journeying down the River Styx with Mr. Lotwin and Ms. Liberman I found myself paying all the ex's legal bills, being advised to accept support payments not tied to NY State CSSA standards... all the while being further showered with paper (bills) from this allegedly top-ranked matrimonial law firm.
Mr. Lotwin and Ms. Liberman went above and beyond the idiocy and incompetency standard one usually reserves for lawyers in general. Early on -- after having been told to not send bills to my former residence -- lo and behold, the ex shows up with an opened bill from counselor Lotwin (which, of course included detailed descriptions of all office conversations). Following up this bit of folly, Mr. Lotwin's associate, Lois Liberman, submits a net worth statement that includes custodial "assets" for children's trusts and for the jointly owned home, never realizing that the presiding judge would use my alleged "wealth" to establish temporary "Trump Style" support payments.
Once I began to protest bills, and falling behind in my tithe to Tenzer, I became what's known in the parlance as a "dog case."
While Mr. Lotwin's associate pretended to go through the motions, she quickly allowed her attention to be diverted to more charismatic (and celebrity-oriented). In the interim, to make things easier for herself, she allowed the law guardian to draft the support section of the divorce agreement.
My only solace: when I finally was forced into Chapter 7 bankruptcy -- I put Tenzer Lotwin on the top of the list for "unsecured" creditors.
I'm fondly reminiscing about the classic scene in the old Abbott and Costello TV show, where Abbott has just been sentenced to jail for "perforating Mrs. Crumbcake's bucket." Abbott's attorney (Counselor Melonhead?) turns confidently to his client and remarks, "Don't worry, I'll have you out by the time your sentence is up!"
That's about the quality of the judicial work performed by Counselor Lotwin.