If you know of numerous incidents where meals have been missed, medication errors occurred, etc., WRITE IT DOWN. Being organzied is a great way to keep tract of your complaints. I am grateful when clients call and say "I kept a journal and Mom was not given her medication 7 out of 15 days in April."
Complain to the Facility, in Writing
It is not enough to tell the nurse you have a complaint. She will forget it and act surprised in her deposition when I say "Isn't it true that Mrs. Smith's daughter complained about the medication errors before March 5th?" If you are going to complain, follow it up with a KIND, to the point, written complaint and keep a copy.
Do not make idle threats
Please don't tell the nursing home you are getting legal counsel. Don't make threats you cannot keep. If you want to move your loved one - don't threaten, just do it. They seem to do a great job of writing down threats from resident's families.
Don't wait, be proactive
If you think a physician consult or 911 call is necessary, don't expect the nursing home to do it. Initiate these important medical decisions yourselves. I have families often say "they didn't call 911 until I insisted." Yes, well many nursing homes have a policy not to call 911 unless it is life or death - so you call!
Call your local Adult Protective Services and State Health Dept.
It is always nice to have a formal investigation done by local health professionals. If they find abuse, they will let you know.