Domestic Violence police calls, arrests and prosecutions are quirky and, sometimes irrational. The usual criminal law policies and procedures don't always apply, and the parties seeking aid are often sorry they ever dialed 911. It is good to understand the oddities of this strange area of law.
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"One hit and I OWN her."
A convicted wife abuser stated in an interview: “When I get a new woman, I hit her once. If she leaves, I move on. If she stays, I know I own her.” What you should read into this is that Domestic Violence (“D.V.”) is not an accident. Once a woman (or a man) forgives the abuser and stays, it is seen as “permission” or at least “acceptance” of the violence. That explains why in almost all cases, when the couple stay together, the violence escalates over time. My advice is that if a partner ever hits you once even slightly, let things cool down, and next day make it crystal clear that if it ever happens again, you leave forever. Some people learn and reform. If it ever happens again, keep your promise.
2
Dial 911 and you lose control.
Once you dial 911 on a D.V. complaint, you no longer control the situation. The police and prosecutors do. In many cases, before the police even arrive the wife had changed her mind and wanted the police to leave. They will not. They will make an arrest in all cases. Automatically, he goes to jail and a court order is most always issued barring him from going near her or her residence, usually HIS residence.
3
It's unwise to call police unless you actually need protection.
After the Prosecutors file court charges, they won’t drop the case just because you make up, or even just because your rent will go unpaid while the suspect is in jail. It doesn’t matter that you might lose your apartment, or the breadwinner may lose a valuable job the family depends on. Abused partners should call the police if they need immediate protection from real harm, but never, just to gain strategic control or advantage over the other partner. One client’s wife admitted she habitually threatens to dial 911 and falsely report that he hit her, just to get him to yield in the argument.
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Welcome to the D.V. revolving door.
Having represented them, I can tell you that an abuser who is prosecuted once, will often do it again, perhaps with a different partner. I do get repeat clients because of this. These days, it might be wise to do a criminal court check on a person before marrying them. This goes for men too.
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Factors that tend to cause D.V. calls to the police.
Here are some of the things that are frequent factors associated with D.V: being intoxicated (either one); discovery of the partner’s infidelity; being jilted; youthful immaturity; control addiction; failing at something and taking it out on the partner at home; and here’s the big one: NOT discussing relationship problems. When problems are not discussed openly and honestly, either he can become enraged and strike out, or she can feel hurt and angry at being ignored and provoke him. Many people would apparently rather fight or be hit than be ignored. Before you dismiss this as the ravings of a “misogynist” lawyer, I base that upon what the women have told me after they hired me to defend their husbands or boyfriends for hitting them.
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