It is a sad statistic that well over half of all marriages in the United States today will end in divorce. It is equally disturbing that so little information is known by the general public about this crucial area of law. The following is a guide covering crucial topics on New York divorce law.
1
The Pain of Divorce
Just as a heart surgeon can only repair the physical aspects of a heart ailment, the courts are only a means for two individuals to legally terminate their marriage. The doctor, the court or the lawyer cannot be responsible for healing emotional wounds; that can only be done by the person who is suffering. Others can assist in the healing process, and although it is true to a certain degree that “Time heals all wounds,” the ultimate responsibility rests with the individual.
2
Starting The Healing Process
For this to happen, You need to be open to the various possibilities of healing, be it therapy, spiritual guidance, support groups, friends, or books. Whichever methods you choose, it is most important to open yourself up to the necessary process of healing your heart. Remember, other divorced people have not only “gotten through it,” but have also used the opportunity to take significant steps in their emotional and spiritual growth. That same opportunity awaits you.
Going though a divorce is physically and emotionally demanding. To cope with the stress created by this major life transition, you need to take care of yourself. As you travel through the challenging process of divorce, you need to know that your feelings of both sadness and anger are normal and that although it won’t be easy, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
3
What You’ll Be Feeling
The ways in which marriages end vary greatly. However, almost all marital endings have one thing in common — feelings of disappointment, anger, and resentment towards the person who did not fulfill your dreams and expectations.
Denial can cause you to bury those feelings temporarily. But unless the pain is felt, it cannot be released. Denying your feelings can be compared to getting a thorn in your skin. You can cover it up, ignore it, or pretend that it does not bother you. The reality is that the thorn hurts, and the longer you let it stay embedded in you the more of an irritant it becomes. Over time, it can develop into an infection. Unacknowledged frustration and anger over your impending divorce will fester and infect your attitude in unrelated situations. Divorce is challenging enough without the added turbulence of burying your feelings. It is important to acknowledge and deal head-on with your pain.
4
What You’ll Be Feeling (Part II)
A divorce can flood you with some of the most intense emotions you’ll ever feel. Such emotional turmoil can cause you to react in ways you never considered yourself capable of. During the times of greatest stress, you will find it difficult to sort out choices in your best interest for future happiness from those motivated by a strong urge for revenge.
In the interest of healing, talk to yourself about how you are feeling. The more aware you are of your emotions, the clearer you become about your motives, making it much easier to make wise choices. Remind Yourself of who you are. Take steps to ensure that you do not compromise your future and live with regrets.
5
Developing The “New You”
Being married has naturally altered your identity, blending it with that of your spouse. Both partners made compromises and assumed ne personality characteristics. When that melded identity dissolves, you need time to re-discover who you are. Give yourself a chance to heal. The length of the legal processes in a divorce action does not always go hand in hand with the length of time it takes to heal the emotional wounds of divorce. The healing begins only when you allow it to begin.
Equally important, treasure what is good about yourself. Start by identifying strengths and traits that perhaps were not valued by your partner. Possibly you love to ski, or read novels, or hike, but felt guilty because your partner considered that activity a waste of time. What parts of yourself have remained dormant? Let your next new relationship be with yourself. Some individuals become involved in another relationship during the divorce proceedings.
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