If you are divorced, or in the process of divorce, the holidays may seem like a daunting time to get through. But how do your children deal with the holidays with a divorce potentially casting a shadow over all of the holiday cheer? Children
of divorce may find the holidays to be very difficult, to say the least. They may
have two houses to visit, or more, if there are grandparents and other
relatives to visit. They also have to
deal with the step-family situation, and the tension between their parents.
Regardless of their family situation, children want to enjoy the holidays, and divorced
parents don’t want to take away from the good memories just because they aren't
living together anymore. You can make the holidays bright for your children, despite the divorce.
Here are a few tips for divorced or divorcing parents for the holidays:
- Your ability to handle holiday stress affects your children’s ability to handle holiday stress—be calm and cheerful, despite the difficulties.
- Under- schedule. Simplify family and extracirricular obligations. Children who are overscheduled can feel pulled in different directions, and stressed.
- Let your children know their visitation schedule in advance. If they are going to be going to the other parent's house for Halloween trick-or-treat, tell them so ahead of time so that they can be emotionally ready.
- Show no negative emotion about their time away from you. Don't
let on that you're feeling down or anxious about being alone. it is wrong to put your child in the position of worrying about you-- they have enough to worry about as it is.
- Start new traditions, especially if the old ones either conflict with your children’s time with the other parent or are too expensive for a single spouse to carry out.
- Accommodate your former spouse's visitation. Be flexible with your own plans.
- Help your children shop for the other parent, and encourage them to be excited about seeing their other parent. This in itself is a gift to your children.
- Don't compete with your former spouse on gifts; instead, try to give your children more quality time; that is what great holiday memories are made of.
- If necessary, lean on family and friends, but not your children, for help.
- Put your children's feelings before your own.
If the above suggestions sound like variations on the Golden Rule, well, they are. Holiday memories can be the very best memories, even for divorcing and divorced families, but taking the high road is key. Put your child first, put yourself in your child’s shoes, and model an attitude of generosity of spirit and cheerfulness. These simple things will go far to make the holidays happy for your children, and also for you.
