First research your local county website as many offer forms for self-help; you can download free forms and instructions. It is a valuable resource for a couple with no minor children, marital assets or alimony claims - ie, a simiplified divorce. It can also guide others that do have these issues.
1
Agreement of the parties
The parties have to understand that the process of divorce is very stressful, emotional and disruptive, especially where minor children are involved and even when a simplified divorce is possible. The earlier the parties can agree on issues, the faster the resolution and the less traumatic the effect of the changes. The areas to be addressed will predominantly include the divorce itself, child custody and visitation, child support, alimony and asset/debt allocation. If the parties can agree on all issues, they may avoid the costs of counsel by accessing the county website, preparing the documents for filing and paying the fees. Presuming there are no jurisdictional concerns, if the couple agrees on how to handle custody and visitation, but disagrees on the financial issues (or vice versa) they may still greatly reduce the potential stress and delay toward resolution. It is important to work together and put agreements in writing so that both are clear on any terms and conditions.
2
Partial or complete disagreement
The parties, when possible, should first consider mediation to help them resolve the outstanding issues. Where the divorcing parties are not able or willing to communicate, however, attorneys can be more effective because they are not emotionally tied to the circumstances. Although this increases the cost of the divorce process, it distances the parties from each other to some degree and the lawyers serve to counsel them on what to expect. Each party should educate him/herself about the process and consult with licensed professionals where appropriate. Where the parties cannot agree to custody/visitation, child support, alimony or asset allocation and the marriage involves (among other things) significant assets, complicated financial transactions, jurisdiction concerns, criminal behavior or sensitive issues about the minor children, each party should be represented by separate counsel to ensure all rights, remedies and protections are contemplated.
3
Helping yourself
During the pendency of the divorce, you need to keep records, maintain logs of events, document even small details related to custody or visitation of minor children, expenditures, financial details and transactions and communications between the parties. Dates and details become lost down the road if not noted when they occur and emotional turmoil and stress can further impair memory. The court knows how divorce affects couples and expects them to act in the best interests of the children, to mitigate (reduce) damages or expenses and behave reasonably. Keeping records, as discussed, helps you recall the history of events and may support why you took certain action. Other resources, such as government agencies and law enforcement, should be utilized only as truly needed, as opposed to tools to aggravate the other party or create a perception of a problem that does not really exist. Maintain, as well, names, addresses and phone numbers of witnesses to events for later disclosure.
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