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What are my rights If I get divorce and I am a house wife and I have 3 kids & we have been married for16 years.

Chicago, IL |

when we moved here my husband wanted me to stay home as a house wife I did what ever he says I even don't drive bcz he sad girl is to young and I will bring every thing but know he fight & and now I am learning driving he says I don't bring money this is his money and you don't do any thing at home he does not help at all bcz he says this your work even if say kids need your help he fight in front of kids this is my money i am pying for my kids you have to pay half I dont know what to do all day I fill tired even untill 12Oclock I do all things but still he fight every day insult me in front of kids he do that bcz kids can also think every thing is dad is doing even I want to do job I cant little girl is only 4 I don't no what to do he does not give proper time to kids plz help me

Attorney Answers 3


That is one of the longest sentences I have ever read. We cannot help you here online. This is a simple Q&A forum and is not set up to provide legal representation . You need to get yourself to a lawyer and the sooner you go the better. If you have no money, you might be able to speak to a legal aid lawyer, or perhaps you can get a lawyer who file file a motion for prospective attorney's fees.

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Thanks for the reply. I am sorry I really don't know how to use these websites.can you plz tell me what are my rights after divorce and I am living with him what are my rights right know. he says this is my money and I can not go for a job because he says when you will start bringing money like I then help home other wise you will do all work here .

Judy A. Goldstein

Judy A. Goldstein


We cannot tell you your rights. You cannot possibly furnish enough information here. You need to speak directly to a lawyer and not rely on answers on this online forum.


You have plenty of rights, one small problem, and two big problems:

Your rights: You've got a very strong case for 1) custody, 2) child support, 3) maintenance (alimony) and you can expect an award of AT LEAST 50% of the property and lifetime maintenance payments -- probably at least 50% of husband's income to start.

Small problem: it seems like English is not your native language. Don't worry about it -- you'll do just fine in court and working with a lawyer.

Big Problem #1: Your in an abusive relationship. Whenever I hear a wife say "I don't knwo what to do . . . ." (as you did) it serves as a red flag that this is an abusive relationship. Other telltales: he made and handled all the money, he wouldn't allow you to drive, he wanted you to quit your job . . . and you did, he wanted you to stay home as a housewife. . . and you did, and you say "I did whatever he says." NO matter how you slice it, this is an abusive relationship.

The biggest problem, here, is that you almost certainly won't be able to make a decision to help yourself and protect your kids if that decision would possibly upset your husband. THrough years of abuse, you seem to have landed in a place where your primary concern is keeping your husband happy . . . even to the exclusion of protecting your own self-interest and the well-being of your children.

A psychiatrist put it this way: "If you take guy off the street and tell him to march into gunfire, he'll scream "NO!" and run the other way. If you take that same guy and put him through three months of abuse (boot camp) and then tell him to march into gunfire, he'll say "Yes, sir!" and he'll go march into the fight.

The difference is the abuse. It gets that person to stop thinking in rational ways (done in the pre-frontal cortex) and to suppress those instincts of self-interest. Instead, that guy's amygdala (fight or flight) takes over and he thinks: "I must obey my commander." So, he says "Yes, sir!" and gets up and goes.

That's where you are, now. Except, in your case, you've not been through three months of abuse -- you've been through 16 years.

So, job 1 for you is to get into some therapy and get to a point where you can make and act on some decisions that will surely upset your husband.

Big Problem #2: You don't have any money. Justice ain't cheap. You'll need a lawyer -- and a good one, at that. Talk with friends, family, clergy, support groups, etc. Talk with your therapist about what options you might have. You'll need resources.

Call if you need help -- no charge: 312-987-9999

Good luck.

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Contact the Chicago Bar Association and ask them for diection.

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