After 18 years marriage and 2 minor kids and domestic violence (only restricted reported) and recently found proof of adultery (in the same unit).
Had to leave out the state to be safe and I am still scared to file for separation or divorce and to loose benefits for me and my kids (married to a member of the Armed Services) .
Also if you are found guilty of adultery and married as a service member, shouldn't the spouse be still eligible and keep all her benefits and if or when the service member requests divorce to include retirement pay to the spouse too?
The military recognizes various rights for spouses that have been married for a long duration. If you file in California while he resides though you will get half of the community interest in his retirement if he gets one from the military.
This is just my opinion and not a comprehensive answer. You assume the risk because this answer may not apply to your situation depending on the facts.
Family Law Attorney
If a member of the military commits adultery, it is a violation of the Uniform Code of Military Justice. If this can be proved, and your Husband's Staff Judge Advocate for the unit wants to prosecute him, then he can be disciplined by the military in a variety of ways. However, pursuing this option while you are still married to him may also hurt you as well if your husband is your sole source of support because he stands to lose pay or benefits, or maybe even be discharged. If you or your children are at risk of domestic violence then you should seek immediate assistance from your local court or the legal services office of the military branch that your Husband is in. The California Superior Court has a domestic violence clinic that offers free services. Also, most military bases and posts offer free legal services to servicemembers and their families. Try to get a hold of the Staff Judge Advocate and ask if you can speak in confidence about your situation. There are many issues and options that need to be addressed in your situation that require face to face legal advice and full knowledge of the facts. If you are truly living in fear and feel that it is in the best interests of your children and yourself to get a divorce, then you need to speak with an attorney, preferably one who is experienced with military families. You should not worry too much about support because in a divorce, the court will make orders for child and spousal support. Yours is a long term marriage so spousal support is practically guranteed. In addition, you are entitled to half of the property and assets acquired during marriage, including retirement benefits, regardless of adultery. If your Husband is planning on getting out of the military soon or moving to a different state, you should consult an attorney immediately.
DISCLAIMER - The materials provided in this answer are informational and should not be relied on as legal advice. Nothing in this email message creates an attorney-client relationship. You should always consult a lawyer in your state regarding your specific legal matter.