It depends on what the custody order states. There shouldn't be a problem with attending your child's events, however you must complay with the family court order of visitation. You can file an order to show cause (a motion seeking emergency relief) to get back into court sooner andask for enforement of the current order or for modification of the order. Hire an attorney for assistance.
Former Prosecutor and Family Court Law Clerk. I am available for phone consultations at (914) 368-2646. This answer is very general and is not intended to be specific legal advice and does not create any attorney/client relationship. Please consult an attorney with the specifics of your case to determine your best course of action in or out of court
Without access to the order, it is impossible to say with certainty. However, if you are not visiting per se with him but watching from the stands, etc., that might be attenuation sufficient to avoid an issue. It would mean that the child would not know you were there, but you would experience the event. Review the order with your attorney to see if s/he thinks that might work.
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I agree that without seeing the order, it is difficult to determine exactly what the limitations are. It is rare to see such an ambiguous order. Courts generally do not give such blanket discretion to the other party. I've seen language such as "if the custodial parent reasonably believes that the other parent is under the influence" he or she may cancel the visit; or if the non-custodial parent does not have a car seat then the visit may be cancelled. But to give the custodial parent the right to deny the visit for any or no reason at all leaves the court order meaningless.
If that is the case, you should contact an attorney about having the order modified.