Home > Research Legal Advice > Child Custody > Unmarried Parents of 3 Month Old - How do I (the father) gain full custo...
Asked over 4 years ago - San Francisco, CA
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I ended my relationship with my GF in Feb 2008, she told me she was pregnant and planning on keeping the baby. After a few months of soul searching, I decided to try and salvage a relationship with her for the sake of our daughter. At that time the mother had no job, drivers liscense, car or place to live as her grandmother was kicking her out of the house. Adalynn is 3moths old now and the light of my life! I cant imagine my life without her now but her mother is a different story all together. We fight all of the time and coming from a broken home myslef, I dont want my daught to go through what I did. Originally I made a promise to myself to try for a year to see if her mother and I could establish a solid relationship. It has been six months and Im not sure how much more I can take. She still smokes and drinks occasionally (Our daughter is 100% breast fed) and when I mention that she shouldnt be engaging in that activity, she says that it wont matter. Obvioulsy it does. Please help.
Father-In-Need
You should file a Paternity Action to establish you as the father of Adalynn in legal documents. You may have signed a Voluntary Declaration of Paternity at the hospital when she was born, but it would be best to have the Judgment of Paternity on file. In the context of the Paternity action you can ask for the type of custody pattern you want. Most experts agree that one parent having sole custody is not very common, absent abuse. What you have described sounds like poor judgment which may or may not rise to the level of abuse. You need to look at this from your daughter's perspective. She needs BOTH of her parents -- right now she is breastfeeding 100%....how would you propose to do that if GF was out of the picture. You should spend as much time with Adalynn as is possible; without Mom present so that you can establish a history/pattern of caring for her. If you do this in Mom's presence she will start to say that she had to tell you everything on how to do it, etc. You can calm the waters some if you relax a bit; and allow Mom to relax in her comfort of you --- then work with her for an arrangement that sees fit. Just know that until there is a legal finding that you are Adalynn's Dad, the court cannot order a visitation plan with you. You should contact a family law attorney in SF to discuss. Good luck.
The San Francisco Unified Family Court is the place to start with a Petition to Establish Paternity and an Order to Show Cause seeking primary custody. This is an uphill battle when an infant is being breast fed. The court sets you on a readiness calendar, usually on a Monday at 8:45 a.m. and you are expected to go to Family Court Services orientation that morning. You are also given a date to meet with a Family Court Services mediator and a return to court date if you do not reach an agreement. Please read the guide I wrote for Avvo on preparing for mediation - http://www.avvo.com/legal-guides/ugc/preparing-.... From the facts you cite, legal representation would enhance your chances of reaching your objectives.
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