He has not had contact with the kids in over 3 years. The boys would like to have me adopt them which would be my honor. We live in the state of Pa where gay marriage is not legal but we are married through the state of Maryland. Our boys cry day in and day out to have their last names changed. We have proof from the father that he will sign over rights. Is this at all possible and if so what steps must be taken to get this done quickly and efficiently the first time.
You will need to go to court and have a formal stipulation signed, please work with a local attny, take care.
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Having proof he will and actually doing it are two different things. A name change is much easier than an adoption as far as whether you need the father's consent, at least in Ohio. See a local attorney.
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Although your marriage is not (yet) recognized in PA, but adoption is possible - PA does allow adoption by same sex couples.
This is not intended to provide legal advice about your situation - just a few casual remarks about a legal question. We are a debt relief agency helping people file for bankruptcy.