Spouse states he wants a collaborative divorce. We still live in same house. He is extremely uncooperative at home.Will this wor

Asked over 1 year ago - Chicago, IL

As much as he started this process, and hired most expensive attorney in town. He now claims he is doing it as he states i have a personality disorder. Actually he has been diagnosed with major depression and sleeps excessively. I am a stay home mom and have been with the kids 90 percent of time. they are 14-14-12. he states
he is going for 50-50 custody to spare them from me. Yet, he is unwilling to talk to my counselor, see a marital counselor, or have me see a his counselor to verify his made up diagnosis. He is precises with numbers and is recording everything he says to me, and saving every email. Just seems like this is anything that is cooperative to me. So, wondering if this process works under these conditions.

Attorney answers (4)

  1. Wes Cowell

    Contributor Level 19

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    Answered . It sounds to me like a collaborative divorce would be a good idea . . . for HIM. Your relationship sounds abusive -- it sounds like there is a real power imbalance, here, and that would mean that the collaborative divorce process would probably benefit him and hurt you.

    Your better strategy would be to work with an experienced family law attorney.

    The alleged diagnoses will probably amount to nothing. If the mental health of the parties becomes an issue, the law allows attorneys and the court to get to the bottom of things -- it's really nothing to be concerned about, at this point.

    It seems like joint custody wouldn't likely work, here; and that a court would be unlikely to order it.

    Bottom line, to answer your question: forget collaborative divorce and hire a lawyer.

    Questions? Call -- 312-987-9999 -- for a no-charge, no-obligation free Family Law legal consultation.

  2. Luke D. Kazmar

    Pro

    Contributor Level 14

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    Answered . Since your husband is not willing to collaborate about anything, neither a collaborative nor a mediated divorce is realistic. It takes 2 highly cooperative people, neither of whom is driven by suspicion or hostility.

    The only reason your husband states he wants a collaborative divorce is because he has so much at stake [assets+alimony+child support...etc]

    I recommend you bypass spending marital funds on collaborative lawyers until your husband's actions start matching his words.

    The author provides the preceding information as a service to the public. Author's response, as stated above,... more
  3. Gary L. Schlesinger

    Contributor Level 20

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    Answered . i am curious who is the most expensive attorney in chicago. let us know. the good news for you is that your attorney can get the same fee his did.

    collaborative may work if you have a strong attorney. if not, or if your husband insists his way is the only way, it probably will not work.

  4. Elizabeth M. Feely

    Pro

    Contributor Level 13

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    Lawyers agree

    Answered . Simply stated. No. In his mind, you are the problem. He's a bully and it will be an exercise in futility that will lead no where good. His demands are unreasonable as to custody/visitation. At least he has revealed to you his plans--no surprise tactics here. Forget the collaborative divorce, hire a very experienced divorce attorney who has had cases against his attorney and don't back down from what you and the kids need and deserve. .

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Collaborative divorce

Collaborative divorce is an alternative to contested divorce that involves collaborative sessions between the parties and their lawyers.

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What is a Collaborative Divorce?

Each party has an attorney. Each party has their own attorney with whom they can discuss - privately - their concerns and goals for the matter. The clients and the attorneys sign a four... more

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