Asked over 4 years ago - Seaside, ORFlag
My fiance and I got in a fight and he pulled my hair and was yelling at me. We have a two year old son who was asleep in the other room. Womens resource center told me that if I did not get a restraining order they would take my baby and against my better judgement I did. I tried to get it dropped and they kept losing paperwork, or giving me wrong paperwork I even attended the batterers class in order to have it dropped. I lost my job and my home due to being a motel manager and it happened on the property, I asked for time off and they fired me and said they didn't want to deal with my drama, I have moved 6 times. My fiance broke the restraining order to help me and our son get a place to stay, the womens resource center called it in and said that because I was trying to put my family back together and they consider him dangerous that he needed to be arrested. The police showed up at the place that he was setting up for me and arrested him in front of my son and then they took my son from me. I got him back 5 hours later, but was forced to leave the county. I am wanting to fix things and there are circumstances behind why he freaked out and pulled my hair. No one will listen to me and we are forced to be in two different residences and they have told him that he can not see our son or me for at least 11 months. The economy is bad and I was able to get a part time job, I was on welfare briefly but they kicked me off of it because I was eligible for unemployment. I can't get on Housing assistance due to the waiting list being over a year. I need to know what I can do to get this dropped and get him home with us. I am very sad and don't know what to do. Please help me.
First of all, you can go back to the court if this is a domestic violence restraining order and get it withdrawn BUT I would have to second what Patty told you and advise you against doing that. You describe a classic early case of domestic violence. Men who resort to pulling hair, shoving and hitting women get bolder as time goes on. Oh sure, they express remorse and tell you how sorry they are, but this individual needs a thorough case of batterer's therapy and needs to be monitored. You are literally taking your life and well being and your child's well being down a dangerous path. I have visited many women in the hospital who wished they had done somethiung to stop the severe injuries they eventually received.
If this is a criminal restraining order then it is out of your hands. You can appeal to the DA if it is a criminal order, but most DAs today prosecute even if the victim recants. Good luck.
The domestic violence laws are out of control. There is nothing you really can do that I know of and I have experience with this as a man falsely accused of domestic violence. I somewhat agree with the other peoples answer that no man should hit a women but if she is beating the hell out of a guy he should have the right to stop her with as little force as needed. For example my ex-girl friend attacked my mother physically and I stepped in to stop it. I was kicked very hard in the privates and responded by scarying her and ripping her shirt off her back and she then finally stopped. I will never think that I was in the wrong for that and she was the aggressor. I did not hurt her I stopped her from assualting people. I went to jail my kids moved to 10 different locations within a year failed out of school and even stayed at a homeless shelter. Everything I worked so hard for was taken away in one quick instance. So if a women is trying to cause you serious harm you would sit back and take it. I would rather die before I let that happen. Good luck to you and especially the kids who are affected the most by this.
I hope things have worked out for you! The state has way too much power in D.V. cases in my opinion. Man times abusing our constitutional rights! I would like to know what laws give them the right to take so many of our freedoms away. I asked this once, and was laughed at and told it was in the law library! Many times, I feel the accused persons rights and freedom are taken away wrongfully!
I myself am involved in a charge that if anything, the "victim" is the one who has broken the law if anything, along with the arresting officers. First f all, I did not commit the abuse I am accused of but conversely am the victim of revenge and a mental condition of the acusser. what astonishes me is the fact that I had 6 pieces of evidence which proved my innocence, including two persons phone numbers that heard her state that her injurys were not caused by me! I also had proof of threats from her, a past history of similar circumstances with others, and rebuttal proving I could not have caused her bruses in the way she stated! Added to this is the fact that all of this happened 10 days after the alleged incident. To me, the officers involved commited the crime of "obstruction of justice", and "false arrest" by not checking the facts and evidence availible to them! Instead, I get arrested without the ability to be released without bail in the amount of $2500. Also I am prohibited from speaking to her parents to bringing the facts to their attention. I'm confident that I will be found innocent of the charges, but what about the wrongful abuse of my rights and unjust incarceration! Something needs to be done so that others constittutional rights are not blatantly abused! I just thoughtI woud share this to let you know that you're not the only one dissatisfied with our justice system!
First of all there is a story you are not telling because you would have never contacted the women's group in the fisrt place. If this is a mistake then I'm sorry the law is trying to work for you and yes if this real this is what women go though who are in a violent realtionship No it's not fair they get hurt and get there kids taken you should condiser yourself lucky to get your son back. Wait it out and get a lawyer who is willing to take the case. Just because you say there is a reason he pulled your hair LET ME TELL YOU THERE IS NOT A REASON NO REASON REAL MEN DON"T HIT! THAT IS A FORM OF ABUSE THAT'S WHERE AND HOW IT STARTS!
I do Agree men should NEVER put their hands on a woman. But there are certain cases
and circumstances, I feel as if my rights have been taken from , the Law does not care about me,or where I will live ,or what I will do . Many ,Many women get beat and killed and for that
I understand the Law on this, but I dont understand where higher officalis get off being rude
and not taking certain things into account, If the Law cares so darn much why dont they put you in touch with ppl who can help u , with a job,or money for rent,or a place to live,if they care so much do acase file on that woman and help her provide free counseling. DO SOMETHING !!!!! There way is just cart him off too jail ,yep that solves it all!!! you cant even throw something in your home and if it scares your man,or woman all they have to do is call teh police and guess what ??? JAIL is the answer , and to heck with u and the kids your on your own now.
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