Are you a US citizen? Have you file the I-130 immigrant visa and has it been approved/have you been interviewed (you will since he is in removal proceedings)? You need to get the I-130 filed, interviewed and approved, than file an adjustment package with the court and on the day of his trial (merit hearing) proceed on his adjustment of status case and withdraw his asylum case. What was the reason the asylum office did not approve his application? You need an attorney to help you/him with this case.
Adjustment of status is a much more certain form of relief from removal. If your I-130 has been approved and there are now issues adjusting status, then changing courses of action may be appropriate.
I agree with the other attorneys, you are making a huge mistake in not using an attorney. First assuming you were married while your spouse was in proceedings there will be a presumption of fraud and you will have to prove the marriage is bona fide. This can be extremely difficult particularly without an attorney. Second you cannot file the 485 while in proceedings until the I130 is adjudicated. Thus, you are already making common mistakes. This is serious matter and immigration judges can be very unforgiving. Hire an attorney before you seriously compromise your case. My firm handles deportation defense in NY.
Law Offices of Nicklaus Misiti
212 537 4407
Legal disclaimer: The statement above is general in nature, as not all the facts are known. You should retain an attorney to review all the facts specific to your case in order to receive advise specific to your case. The statement above does not create an attorney/client relationship.