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My husband has a mental illnes and has started a collaborative divorce. He is controlling and hired most expensive attorney

Dayton, OH |
Filed under: Collaborative divorce

He talked me into this. Now, as the process has gone on it appears so neutral that it might not be the best option. IE: if he had a psych evaluation the truth would come out, where as these meetings with all these professionals (mental health, accounting, child psychologist)are getting expensive and time consuming. his attorney selected a counselor for my teen daughter who was part of a collaborative team. without my knowledge my attorney called this counselor and then charged me for the consult I didnt know he had.

Attorney Answers 3

Posted

So what is your question? If you are involved in the collaborative process, that is by choice. If you desire to exit the process, inform your attorney. If s/he will not do as you desire, disengage and hir another attorney and use the adversarial process, requesting discovery concerning your husband's medical records to as to use in court to demonstrate why it is in the minor's best interests you be awarded custody and placement. Though realize, no divorce situation is one side's fault and/or problem. There must be give and take and acceptance of partial responsibility, even during a collaborative resolution process. Anyway, the collaborative process is generally far less expensive than litigation, and incorporates the notion cooperation allows the parties to reach a 'better' "YES" than litigating and forcing a settlement through the threat of judicial decisions. Please seek advise and consultation from a family law specialist, even a new attorney if you are uncomfortable with your existing attorney. Good luck.

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Asker

Posted

my question is would i have a better chance of primary custody in a court case? he started this process, and I had not considered it. After reading about it sounded okay. but now that its gone on things have happened like my attorney calling my daughters therapist without consulting me first and then charging for the conference. Also, since he is unavailable due to mental illness he denies and i currently do all the parenting, i dont want to give this up to someone who refuses to get help and continues to deny. Seems a pscyh evaluation might be better as these are facts and he is going for 50-50 custody even though he is either sleeping or not home.

James CW Bock

James CW Bock

Posted

I think you know the correct path and are looking for validation. I validate. If you can collaboratively reach a position that you feel is safe for your child given what you know your estranged husband's mental health issues are, then collaboration is the least expensive and least violative manner to achieve the objective you know is in the best interests of your child. If you cannot reach that point in the collaborative process because of the 'games' being played by opposing counsel and others, remove it and go to the adversarial process and develop the case through evidence to obtain what you feel is in your child's best interests. It will be expensive, difficult and without certainty, but you will have given it your best shot. I am sorry you are exposed to this type of collaborative process, as it is advanced as not having these problems, but no divorce process involving custody issues is perfect. Tell your existing attorney, and if that attorney won't do what you feel is right, get another one. Be strong. This will get worse before it gets better, but there will be an end and peace for yourself. Good luck.

Posted

I agree with Mr. Bock. Please visit my website below for information on all the marital termination procedures available to you, and how to choose an attorney. I personally am no advocate of collaborative divorce, and I don't think it is cheaper in most instances than a contested divorce. Bottom line, if you are dissatisfied with this process, it is not working for you.

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Posted

Have you expressed your concerns to your attorney? That may be a good first place to begin. The collaborative process is usually best where the parties have some concern for the well being of the other side, not where people want to crush each other. However, it is important to communicate with whoever is representing you because there are things that come up, even in litigation, where the lawyer may act without seeking the client's advance permission. So you might want to clarify your expectations in this regard. Before things go further, and you continue to feel uncomfortable with the process, maybe a good time to take a step back and get information about which direction will work best for you.

THE INFORMATION CONTAINED HEREIN IS INTENDED AS GENERAL INFORMATION ONLY. IT IS NOT LEGAL ADVICE, NOR IS IT INTENDED TO BE RELIED UPON AS SUCH, AND IS NOT INTENDED TO ESTABLISH AN ATTORNEY-CLIENT RELATIONSHIP. IF YOU HAVE A LEGAL QUESTION, CONSULT WITH AN EXPERIENCED ATTORNEY.

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