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Is it harassment if I contact my ex girlfriend when I haven't spoken to or heard from her in 2 years?

San Francisco, CA |

I actually tried to call where she used to live, but her brother answered and told me she doesn't live there anymore. I then asked if there he knew of anything I could use to contact her with. He eventually gave me an e-mail address of hers that he had. The e-mail address I had for her doesn't work anymore. If I were to contact her at the new e-mail address, would that be harassment? I really miss her, and want to try to make amends and be friend, but I want to make sure it would be legal, and not considered harassment. Plus, I don't want to come off as a stalker or anything like that. Oh, and we were together for 3 years, so it's not like it was just a quick fling or something like that.

It's also her birthday, and I wanted to wish her a happy birthday.

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Attorney answers 3

Posted

For harassment to be present in a case, it requires a pattern of unwanted contacts. Absent something very unusual, one successful contact would not constitute harassment.

Asker

Posted

Well, when we broke up two years ago, I got a little obsessive with the contacting, but you know how guys can get right after break ups. Anyways, those contacts weren't threatening or anything like that; it was more of the "I miss you." "Please don't do this." type of thing. And besides, she hasn't told me to stop contacting her. She just changed her e-mail address, but I'm not sure if that was because of me because she said it was okay to e-mail her, but not call her; I did the former when we broke up. I want to know if it's okay if I contact her with an e-mail address she didn't give me (I got it from her brother). Would that be an invasion of privacy? If she asked how I got it, could I just say I found it online (I don't want to start drama between her and her brother)?

Posted

Seems like there's more to this than has been revealed thus far. Btw I am not asking for further details; indeed, I don't want you posting anymore information on this subject. You describe the brother as "eventually" giving you a new email address, and then, out of the blue, you inquire whether it would be harassment for you to contact her through the new email address provided to you by her brother. On the surface your concern seems to make little sense. That's why I'm guessing there's a bit more to the story. In any event, you're the only one among us who knows the entire history. Unless you want to sit down with an attorney and recount that full story, you are going to have to make your own call on this one.

Posted

I agree with the other lawyers but if you have had a restraining order imposed in the past it is probably a no contact order and last for 3 years. Which means you can't e-mail her. At any rate if the relationship is over it's better not to return to something that appears to have been troubled.

Asker

Posted

There was no restraining order, and the relationship wasn't troubled. Things just didn't work out. That's all. I was just wondering if if would be an invasion of privacy or something like that if I e-mailed her at an e-mail address she didn't give me. Maybe asking if it would be harassment wasn't the right question. Thanks for the advice.

John M. Kaman

John M. Kaman

Posted

Then you should be ok. I would recommend you send it by US Post as most of us regard our e-mail addresses as a private matter, even if legally speaking they are not.

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