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Is it considered immoral for mother's boyfriend to spend excess time with my young daughter (holidays, sleep overs, vacations)?

Brooklyn, NY |

Mother and I share joint legal custody. Mother has physical. Mother has child on weekends. Son frequently shares stories of hopping into bed with mother and boyfriend to watch tv, when vacationing everyone shares same room, boyfriend often attends sunday "family dinners", daughter spends weekends babysitting boyfriend's dog, son is now friends with boyfriend's niece and nephew, boyfriend attends family vacations (grandparents, mother, brothers). It is my understanding that the courts frown on young (under 6yrs old) children being brought into "new relationships". The boyfriend has been around for only 9 months and only came into the picture after most recent court appearance. Assume pro se appearance in court.

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Attorney answers 3


Usually there's nothing to preclude a custodial (or non-custodial) parent from allowing contact with their new "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" during authorized parenting or visitation time.

There may be legitimate issues about safety if there is something unwholesome about the particular person and contact with your child, such as a history of violence, criminality, substance abuse, child abuse or neglect or even cigarette smoking, but just the fact that the new girlfriend/boyfriend or their family is around your child is not a ground for objection.

Certain limited objections, such as the child calling the new boyfriend/girlfriend/stepparent "dad or mom" or "disparagement" of the biological parent can be worked into a family court order, but a sweeping ban of the sort you are seeking where the parent can't consort with someone of the opposite sex won't be entertained by a family court, whether you appeared pro se or with an attorney. There's no vow of celibacy that's imposed by a family court.

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Jack Richard Lebowitz

Jack Richard Lebowitz


p.s. Cohabitation without marriage might be considered "immoral" in some circumstances, as might be having a child without being married, but at this time, it is not only legal (as opposed to moral) but a recent poll by the CDC reported on NBC Nightly News yesterday indicated 48% of women thought cohabitation in lieu of marriage was OK, and certainly, many family court custody/support orders involve unmarried people. Certainly, many conservative religions would find such behavior "immoral", but there's a difference between "moral" and "legal" in a nation with formal "separation of church and state" such as the US.


Sorry, but is what it is. It's understandable one in your shoes would feel uncomfortable, but, legally, no issues.


Unless there is an issue of what is going on in the bed or some other serious consideration, the boyfriend is essentially entering the familial structure at the mother's house and that is not unusual. Consider that fact that he may someday be her husband.

If you found this "helpful" or "best answer," please click it with my appreciation. My response is for educational purposes and does not constitute legal advice nor creates an attorney client relationship which requires all the details and a personal conference.

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