my daughters mother shows her stability to be very unfit for my daughter. she brings other guys into her house and sh lets my daughter call other men her father when thats not true. then when i come and expect to see my daughter she tells me i dont love her so why should i get to see her. im paying child support but she says thats not enough so when i come home she tells me i have to buy my daughter things if i want to see her. basically using my daughter as a bribe to me. so what should i do if i want custdy of my daughter? if my daughters mother only slipped up once by letting my daughter drink beer which i have a pic of. is that enough proof to get custody of my daughter?please help me.
Divorce / Separation Lawyer
The question you need to ask is just how is your daughter suffering. Nowhere in your question do you speak about any harm to the child. Permitting a child to have a drink of beer probably will have no impact an a court's determination of contact. I'm sure that literally thousands of fit parents have permitted their children to taste beer or wine without harm to the child. So focus in on reality. If mother interferes with your parenting time, file a motion to hold her in contempt for violating the court order for parenting time. Then, learn to be a real father. Learn to take care of all of the needs of your child. Learn everything there is to learn about her, her likes, her dislikes. Bond with her so that she learns to perceive you as a primary care giver and one who is attendant to her needs. After doing all that, if mother then persists in her interference with your parenting time, and you are in a position to provide all of the needs of the child and will honor parenting time, file a motion to modify custody. Your chances aren't great but they are certainly better than they are now. And actually, if you do all the things I've suggested, mother will probably cease being an issue and you will have no problem with having your parenting time.
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Family Law Attorney
Don't give into her blackmail as you have a court order to see your child. If she refuses, call the police to have the refusal on record. The police will simply put such on police log but will not enforce the order but typically will tell you to take it to the court.
You then need to file a show cause (contempt) motion for her denying your parenting time.
The same on the financial. Don't give the mother money, but don't let your child suffer without proper clothing and such because her mother won't buy her the necessities. But keep the receipts to show that you do provide these in-kind contributions in case she goes after an increase in child support.
But before you rush off to file for custody, what plan is in place for your child? Who will watch her when you are at work? Deployed overseas for a year? (She will likely go back to her mother if you deploy.) PCS away from all family and friends? As a JAG officer, I get tired of the single parents in the news who cannot live up to their commitments but want out because of child care issues (or who came into my office while I was deployed overseas asking to know how to get a hardship packet to get out of their remaining deployment due to things not going well at home with the care plan).
This may seem harsh, but think of your daughter bouncing around with you being deployed. To dad's, then a year back with mom, to go back with you for two years, then possibly another year deployed so she is back with mom again. I see no issue if never deploy and are always home with your child as a single parent, but that is not a reality with the military today. The courts do look at that issue, and without a wife to keep the home in place while you are gone, your chances to change custody at this time be a high hurdle to overcome.