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I want to marry my boyfriend. But I don't want my spousal support to stop from my former 30 year old marriage. How can I do that

Cool, CA |
Filed under: Family law

I worked hard during that first marriage, and I feel I earned that money. I love my new fiancee and I don't really think it's fair that my ex can re-marry without any consequences, but I can't. If I went to another country, could I get married there and not have it recognized in the US? This is simply for religious purposes only--I don't feel right just living with him, and since it was my ex-husband that divorced me, I feel the bible is clear that I can marry again. To all of you who will hate on me for wanting to keep my spousal support, know that I worked VERY hard for 30 years raising our children, doing all the housework, etc, and even held a part time job. It was my ex that found an internet babe and decided to divorce me. He even kicked our disabled daughter out of the house.

Attorney Answers 4


  1. Best answer

    When you divorced, regardless of who started the divorce, you either entered into an agreement defining your rights to receive spousal support or you had those rights imposed on you by the judge after a trial. In either event, your right to receive spousal support, without regard to how hard you worked to obtain it, is governed by the court judgment. I suggest you read what the conditions to continued spousal support are. If they terminate upon your remarriage, it doesn't matter where you remarry, your spousal support will terminate.

    If you found this response helpful, please click on the button accompanying this response. Mr. Richardson practices in San Mateo and Santa Clara Counties, and concentrates in non-adversarial dispute resolution as a mediator and collaborative lawyer. The California State Bar Board of Legal Specialization certifies Mr. Richardson as a specialist in California Family Law. He offers no comments or advice with respect to the laws of any state or jurisdiction other than California. The above answer is a general explanation of legal rights and procedures. Mr. Richardson is not your lawyer unless and until you and he have personally met together. This post does not constitute legal advice, and no lawyer client relationship results.


  2. The short answer is you can't have your cake and eat it too.

    The law creates what is called a "rebuttable presumption" that you have a reduced "need" for spousal support even if you are cohabiting with a member of the opposite sex.

    So even now, your ex-husband can ask to modify or terminate spousal support if you are living with your boyfriend.

    I suggest you consult with an experienced family law attorney to explore your options. Good luck to you.

    If you found this answer helpful, let me know by clicking the "Mark as Good Answer" button or "Best Answer" at the bottom of this answer. By answering this question, the Law Offices of Cathleen E. Norton does not intend to form an attorney-client relationship with the asking party. The answers posted on this website should not be construed as legal advice. The Law Offices of Cathleen E. Norton does not make any representations about your family law matter, but rather, seeks to provide general information to the public about family-law related matters. You should consult with an attorney to discuss the specific facts of your case. Thank you.


  3. Your divorce judgment likely provided that you are to receive Spousal Support until either party's death or your remarriage. Unless your divorce judgment, pursuant to a Marital Settlement Agreement, provided that your Spousal Support would continue notwithstanding your remarriage, your remarriage will terminate your right to Spousal Support.

    Please note that this answer does not constitute legal advice, and should not be relied on, as each situation is fact specific, and it is not possible to evaluate a legal problem without a comprehensive consultation and review of all the facts and court pleadings filed in the case. This answer does not create an attorney-client relationship.


  4. Hello, Cool, CA!
    I understand where you're coming from. I am sure that you did work hard during your long marriage, and you feel betrayed by your ex. There were probably two parts to your divorce judgment: the division of property, and spousal support (alimony). The first is not affected by your remarriage. The second probably is. Read that judgment carefully because it probably says that your spousal support terminates upon your remarriage. I wouldn't fool around with getting married outside the US. That just gives your ex an argument that you are remarried and spousal support should cease.
    So, you will likely have to decide between keeping those spousal support payments and marrying your fiance. The good news is, you have found love again. Good for you. Congratulations and good luck!

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