I have been a stay at home mom he has not wanted me to work. I have just found out that he had an affair while out of state (this is not his first). He has also been physically abusive over the years and i have lots of proof of that.
Family Law Attorney
What you should do is review your facts with local attorneys. In WA (and likely all other states), in a dissolution of marriage (divorce), the spouse with less or without money can ask the court to order the spouse with money to pay for all or some of the attorney's fees (as well as other expenses) for the spouse without the money.
In WA, the only allegation needed is that the marriage is "irretrievably broken". In general, the court would not care the specific reasons as to why the spouses do not want to be married with each other any more.
The mandatory pattern forms for family law proceedings are free at http://www.courts.wa.gov/forms/ . There are links to instructions and self-hep guides from that site. WA LawHelp, accessible from the court's site, has useful self-help guides.
Unless the spouses have no assets, no debts, and no children, it often is better to hire an attorney.