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I'm 16 and have a wonderful relationship with my 21 yr-old boyfriend. How do I keep him out of jail?

Portland, OR |

So I ran away from home to be with my boyfriend that is 21 years old and I'm only 16. I'm madly in love with him and I was successfully living with him for a month. We thought we'd be together forever and we started trying for a baby. But I also took the risk of having unprotected sex with him and he was born with AIDS. The cops took me away from him and now I'm forbidden to see him. I haven't eaten in days nor slept because of my depression. I don't want my boyfriend to go to jail or prison. I want to live with him and have a family with him and be by his side so he's not alone through his days with AIDS. I just got tested for the infection today and it turned out negative. How do I keep him out of jail? He's a great man and can take care of me. I can't lose him. Someone please help.

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Attorney answers 3

Posted

A great man doesn't expose a women to aids or have sex with a minor. If he really loved you he would have waited until you turned 18 and then gone with you to a doctor to discuss safe ways to have a baby with someone infected with AIDs.

A person with AID's is facing many challenges. If he is currently controlling the disease with medication maybe he is able to work, but until there is a successful cure or the disease is in remission, he will have difficulty taking care of himself much less you and a baby. You are truly 16 - a minor and immature. because if you were an adult and mature you would have stopped to think about this baby and what kind of life this would be for that baby rather than your own selfish emotional needs.

You need to stop trying to make babies and finding love in the wrong places and put your time and energy into figuring out how you are going to turn into a mature women capable of financially supporting herself, and hopefully with the means to someday have a baby and provide that baby with a good home.

Maybe your home life isn't all that great and this is how you rebel against your parents. But at the end of the day you don't win the grand prize. You will find yourself in a worse situation with more emotional and financial problems then you are capable of handling.

Falling in love at sweet sixteen is very romantic and we all remember our loves at that age. It is part of growing up. But it is also a time to learning to spot when you young emotions take you off course and threaten your future.

I don't think there is much you can do to help him right now. He will probably be restrained from further contact with you until you turn 18. Use that time away from him wisely. Finish your education and figure out how you are going to support yourself. Go out with other people. Then when you turn 18, try to look at this guy and your life more objectively before you go back to a relationship with him.

The comments by this author to questions posted on Avvo are designed to foster a general understanding of what might be the law governing the area of the legal problem stated and suggest what might be the approach to finding a legal solution. Under no circumstances is this author acting as the attorney for the party who posted the question or as the attorney for subsequent readers to the question or response and no attorney client relationship is being formed. This attorney's comments are not intended to be a substitute for getting legal advice from a licensed attorney. A reader of this author's comments should never act on the information provided in these comments as though these comments were legal advice and should always seek legal advice in a personal consultation with an attorney in their jurisdiction before taking action. The information provided here is not intended to cover every situation with similar facts. Please remember that the law varies between states and other countries and is always changing through actions of the courts and the Legislature.

Asker

Posted

It's risky for a man with aids to be having a baby anyways, it's putting the baby at risk for aids too. Good luck though.

Asker

Posted

It's risky for a man with aids to be having a baby anyways, it's putting the baby at risk for aids too. Good luck though.

Asker

Posted

I know I was immature but honestly, if he gave me AIDS, I cannot be with anyone else. I wouldn't want to anyway. My heart is set on him and I want to be with him. People make mistakes. And what I want is a way to be with him again. Because I will do whatever I can to help this man. I've known him since he was 18 and I do love him. When you know someone as much as I knew him, you can't control if love hits you because love doesn't care about age. I know I sound completely immature right now but I am standing up for what I think is right and I'm going after my dreams. Isn't that what people teach kids these days? Chase after your dreams? Well what good is that when you're bound by law? My dream is to be with this man, regardless of what he has. I accepted him as a person, not as a body full of AIDS. And I think others should accept him as that too. He made a bad decision, who hasn't? But I am depressed, not eating and not sleeping because I do not have him by my side. He and I don't deserve to go through having AIDS alone. If we both have it, then we should go through it together rather then us giving it to other people. And I will not rest until I can be in his arms again. I want any possible solution. And yes, problems are happening at home. I've never had a real happy family and now I found a man where I want to have a happy family with. He's the first boyfriend I've had that doesn't beat me. And he's the first man to be close to me and not hit me. My dad has hit me and my moms boyfriends have beat me and tried to rape me. All I want is my boyfriend back and to be in his arms. We have a healthy relationship and he takes care of me. How many times may I have to go through being beaten again before I find something as good as this again? Probably never. Give me any solution to get him back and I will do anything to be back in his arms.

Joanne Reisman

Joanne Reisman

Posted

Your story is heartbreaking but this man/boy is not your solution. Nor is any other boyfriend. You need to get some counseling and some love and support where there are no expectations place on your to be other than a 16 year old girl. Here are some numbers you can call - Portland Women's Crisis Line http://pwcl.org/ 503-235-5333 or toll-free 888-235-5333. Oregon Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence 380 Spokane St. Suite 100 Portland, OR 97202 Hotline: (503) 223-7411 Telephone: (503) 230-1951 Fax: (503) 230-1973 Directory of Services and Hotlines by County Web: Oregon Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence Women's Crisis Support Team 24/7 Crisis Hot line: 541 479-9349 or 1-800-750-9278*** Business line: 541 476-3877 http://www.wcstjoco.org/ Statewide Resources for Youth AIDS Information Hotline: (800) 777-2437 Alcohol and Drug Helpline: (877) 553-8336 Boys and Girls Aid Society of Oregon Hotline: (800) 342-6688 Child Abuse Hotline: (800) 422-4453 Crisis Hotline for Youth and Families: (800) 999-9999 Crisis Hotline for Youth under 17: (800) 448-4663 Emergency Contraception Hotline: (800) 668-2528 Suicide Prevention Hotline: (800) 422-7558 Womenspace Domestic Violence Services P.O. Box 50127 Eugene, OR 97405 Hotline: (800) 281-2800 Rural Outreach: (541) 485-6513 Phone: (541) 485-8232 Web: http://www.womenspaceinc.org/ There are probably more numbers - you can find on the internet. You can call without revealing your identity and ask to talk to someone on the phone. Please pick up the phone and call. Talk about what you are going through and listen to the stories of other women who have had similar situations. You have nothing to lose.

Joanne Reisman

Joanne Reisman

Posted

PS - Do this for the sake of any child you will have in the future. You need to make yourself a strong emotionally healthy adult in order to give your children the best future you can. So take the first step in being an adult and work on yourself and your life to you can give your children what you didn't have.

Asker

Posted

Thank you. But I don't care if he's not the solution. I need to keep him out of jail. I love him. I'm so depressed that I can't eat or sleep. And if I'm forced to not see him I'll die. I need him and I can't ruin this mans life for nothing. Please tell me what I can do. Like maybe the DA won't press full charges if they see that we have a healthy relationship. Anything. I can wait until I'm 18 if I only know he won't be sitting in prison. Please. I know it's wrong, but I wanna be by his side so he doesn't suffer from AIDS alone. Please. I'm begging you.

Asker

Posted

Thank you. But I don't care if he's not the solution. I need to keep him out of jail. I love him. I'm so depressed that I can't eat or sleep. And if I'm forced to not see him I'll die. I need him and I can't ruin this mans life for nothing. Please tell me what I can do. Like maybe the DA won't press full charges if they see that we have a healthy relationship. Anything. I can wait until I'm 18 if I only know he won't be sitting in prison. Please. I know it's wrong, but I wanna be by his side so he doesn't suffer from AIDS alone. Please. I'm begging you.

Asker

Posted

Thank you. But I don't care if he's not the solution. I need to keep him out of jail. I love him. I'm so depressed that I can't eat or sleep. And if I'm forced to not see him I'll die. I need him and I can't ruin this mans life for nothing. Please tell me what I can do. Like maybe the DA won't press full charges if they see that we have a healthy relationship. Anything. I can wait until I'm 18 if I only know he won't be sitting in prison. Please. I know it's wrong, but I wanna be by his side so he doesn't suffer from AIDS alone. Please. I'm begging you.

Brian S Wayson

Brian S Wayson

Posted

You're doing great work her Attorney Reisman, I only hope that the poster takes your excellent advice. Thanks for fighting the good fight.

Orion Jacob Nessly

Orion Jacob Nessly

Posted

Dear Asker, You don't generally see 11 separate attorneys marking a response as "good" on this website. The reason for this is that Ms. Reisman has gone beyond simply basing an answer on the law and has included really sound life advice based on your situation. There's also a reason that no one is telling you what to do to keep the DA from pressing charges or to keep your boyfriend out of jail. If we were to ignore the other red flags that show up in your post and to give you the instructions you seek, this would only do you (and potentially a future child) harm.

Orion Jacob Nessly

Orion Jacob Nessly

Posted

(I'm not saying that your feelings for your boyfriend aren't genuine and your story isn't compelling).

Posted

Dear young person,

I have no legal advice for you.

Please try to find a responsible adult to help guide you to the answers that are right for you. If your parents cannot fulfill that role, maybe someone else: an aunt? grandma? clergy member?

As the other attorney said, your current boyfriend is not showing much love or affection for you if he is having unprotected sex with you. That is a selfish act, not a giving act of someone who wants to take care of you.

Good luck.

Jeffrey S Merrick

Jeffrey S Merrick

Posted

By the way, here's the legal answer. If you want to keep him out of jail, stop having sex with him. That's his best chance.

Posted

The world looks a great deal different when you are 16 and healthy than it will when you are 30, particularly if you have aids. I am sorry to be blunt, because I know you are feeling a great sense of loss, but as others have implied, this guy is pretty selfish.

At this stage of your life you have an obligation to yourself: to grow up, to be educated, to develop into an adult. You are in no position to care for this 21 year old, let alone a child.

You need to seek help for your depression and get on with your life. There is a reason society forbids the conduct for which your boy friend is (or should be) now in jail.

Good luck to you. Your future is certain to be better.

This comment is general in nature and is not intended as legal advice. It does not create an attorney client relationship and obviously is not confidential. You should contact an attorney in your area who can review with you all of the relevant facts and give you specific legal advice.

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