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I hit him in face once, he beat and kicked me 20+ times. Can I get FAPA eventho I threw 1st punch.

Bend, OR |
Filed under: Family law

After 2 year good, intimate relationship with boyfriend, moved in together and found out by 2nd month no good. I found another place to live. Have had several fights where he has pushed or hit me, including police called by my sister when he slashed tire and threw me through drywall at our mutual home. Two days ago I went to get the last of my belongings and he accused me of stealing cash from his wallet. Argument followed, I hit him once in face, he grabbed me by head, hitting my head and ears with fist 10 times, kicked me numerous times, threw me around. Bruised and sore all over. Eventho I hit him first, can I get a restraining order against him.

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Attorney answers 4


In theory, you could, sure. But you would likely have to admit that you had punched him first, which would expose you to criminal liability. You should definitely consult with an attorney before filing anything in court. This process could be very damaging to you both.

Please read the following notice: <br> <br> Jay Bodzin is licensed to practice law in the State of Oregon and the Federal District of Oregon, and cannot give advice about the laws of other jurisdictions. All comments on this site are intended for informational purposes only, and do not constitute legal advice or create an attorney-client relationship. No posts or comments on this site are in any way confidential. Each case is unique. You are advised to have counsel at all stages of any legal proceeding, and to speak with your own lawyer in private to get advice about your specific situation. <br> <br> Jay Bodzin, Northwest Law Office, 2075 SW First Avenue, Suite 2J, Portland, OR 97201 | Telephone: 503-227-0965 | Facsimile: 503-345-0926 | Email: | Online:


Do you still have the bruises and marks? If so, you have a better chance with the judge as he/she can see the injuries. Slashed tire? Ask you attorney about a stalking order. A consultation with an experienced FAPA attorney is all you will need, in order to proceed confidently. Good luck.

Please be aware that each answer is based upon the facts, or lack thereof, provided in the question. To be sure you get complete and comprehensive answers, based upon the totality of your situation, contact a local attorney who specializes in the area of law that involves your legal problem. Diane L. Gruber has been practicing law in Oregon for 26 years, specializing in family law, bankruptcy, estate planning and probate. Note: Diane L. Gruber does not represent you until a written fee agreement has been signed by you and Diane L. Gruber, and the fee listed in the agreement has been paid.


This is a bit of a judgment call here. I can see both Mr. Bodzin's and Ms. Gruber's points. On one hand, this could potentially end up in a situation where assault/battery charges are filed against both of you or the ex also seeks a restraining order. On the other, if you are in danger of further abuse from your ex, you should protect yourself from future contact. I suggest you schedule a one-on-one consultation with a family law attorney so you can tell give them all the details and get advice as to your options. In the meantime, don't post any more details that could possibly be used against you on this public website.

My responses to posts on AVVO are not legal advice, nor do they create an attorney-client relationship. In order to provide true (and reliable) legal advice, an attorney must be able to ask questions of the person seeking legal advice and to thus gather the appropriate information. In order for an attorney-client relationship to exist, you and I both have to agree the the terms of such an agreement.


The short answer is yes, you can still get a restraining order. What is required is that he caused you injury, or put you in fear of injury, within the last 180 days (6 months). The fact that he has done this more than once only strengthens your ability to get the restraining order, as it shows that you have a reasonable fear of further harm in the future.

The more complex answer, however, takes into account the concerns raised by other attorneys here. If you hit him first, you may open yourself up to criminal liability. It may be worth it, as you may not actually get charged with anything or you may have a good defense for having hit him, but that's something that you need to think about prior to filing a court document in which you admit to hitting him. Others recommend speaking to a family law attorney prior to filing, but it likely would be good to speak to someone who knows about criminal law as well.

No matter what, it's important to take steps to keep yourself safe in the future. Whether or not you filing for a restraining order, make sure that you distance yourself from this man. If there are children involved, it is especially important that you take steps toward safety. Good luck.

Orion Jacob Nessly

Orion Jacob Nessly


Excellent answer.

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