I am half way through a collaborative divorce. Is it normal to feel that my attorney sides with my ex?

Asked over 1 year ago - Chicago, IL

My soon to be x spouse started a collaborative divorce in January of this year. Since then I have been involved in a costly 50K plus divorce. Tonight my ex even wrote to my attorney and my attorney got on me for what my ex wrote to him. It seems odd that my attorney would even respond to my exes letters.
I feel he more than not takes my ex'es side. I feel I am getting nowhere but charged. Meanwhile my current attorney claims this would be a nightmare in litigation. I am sick of the entire thing, but feel that I don't want to continue with an attorney who really doesn't believe me. My ex is taking full advantage of this fact. My ex has done things like moved out of our family home without telling me, threatened to call the police,e tc.. He is trying to get 50/50 custody of our daughters.

Attorney answers (6)

  1. 11

    Lawyers agree


    Answered . Your collaborative divorce doesn't sound very collaborative to me. I also get a feeling that you're not comfortable with this collaborative process since your ex seems to be the only one that is benefiting from it. My advice would be to interview a few lawyers who are not fearful of litigation and pick the one that you like best. 50 K is an incredible amount of money to spend on a collaborative divorce without seeing favorable results.

  2. 10

    Lawyers agree


    Answered . Collaborative law is not for everyone and it certainly does not seem to be the right solution for you. Additionally, your attorney should not be communicating directly with your husband even if he inappropriately contacted your lawyer. $50K is a huge amount of money to spend on any divorce. Find a new lawyer and demand that the rest of your case be handled in the more traditional manner.

  3. 9

    Lawyers agree


    Answered . many lawyers have disagreements with the collaborative process.

    your ex is not yet your ex if you are not divorced. he is your husband.

    there is nothing wrong with equal parenting time in appropriate cases. merely because you are the mom does not mean you should have more time than dad.

    if collaborative is not working for you, end it. hire another lawyer. file a petition to dissolve the marriage. go to the parenting class. go to mediation on custody. initiate discovery.

  4. 9

    Lawyers agree

    Answered . This is precisely why I don't do collaborative divorce. Nothing gets done without hard deadlines (Although CollabDiv attorney's will disagree with me on this).

    Now I won't jump into whether what's going on is right or wrong; I'm just going to cut to and say it's up to you. Either bite the bullet and continue forward, or try a different route. Because that's the bottomline once we're done getting all this stress of your chest - either continue doing what you're doing, or go to court and get this done the other way.

  5. 8

    Lawyers agree

    Answered . If your ex has a lawyer he should not be emailing your lawyer directly. This is not permissible. Many lawyers do not agree with the Collaborative Law process. It is not commonly used in Cook County. It often adds costs to a divorce case. You need a lawyer who is in your corner . Follow your instincts. That is always best. Sounds like you have great instincts.

  6. 4

    Lawyers agree

    Answered . Did you agree to go through the collaborative process? It works very differently than litigation and those who practice collaborative do not do so because they are afraid of litigation, but because they feel that it is best for all parties and all parties can openly communicate. If you are not comfortable, speak with your coach about your feelings and see if you can get some incite on the process and where you are in the process. If you are still not comfortable, you will have to seek out an attorney to begin your litigation by filing your petition for dissolution. Most of all, you have to make the best decision(s) for you and you have to be comfortable with your decisions.

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