If getting charged with rape just by asking permission from the spouse
Criminal Defense Attorney
You'll normally know if you're being charged with a crime when the police arrive at your door and put handcuffs on you.
However, it doesn't sound to me like asking for permission to do something constitutes rape. Its when you don't get permission and go ahead anyway that consitutes rape. But I don't practice in Chicago, so check with a local attorney.
Hire a good lawyer if you believe you're about to be arrested.