I believe you already posted this question, but AR 608-99 says that she gets your BAH unless there is a court order or an agreement that says otherwise. The BAH goes to your dependents,whether there is one or three, so the kid's status doesn't matter. Go see your base legal office ASAP and get further guidance.
This post is for information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice, nor does it establish an attorney client relationship with Mr. Cassara.
Mr. Cassarra is correct. This could be grounds for adverse action. Unless you can present an email from her waiving your BAH obligations, or agreeing to a certain amount, AR 608-99 prevails. I am attaching a link for more information.
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I want to clarify Mr. Cassera's answer.
AR 608-99 's requirements are fact-dependant.
1) In the absence of a court order or written agreement, then 608-99 requires that 1/3rd of your total BAH-With Dependents, non-locality rate (often called BAH II-WITH) should be paid to each dependent. Because all three live together, this can be effectively handled by a check to your wife for 100% of your BAH II-WITH each month. Note that this is different than the BAH you likely receive, as that's based upon where your home is.
2) If there is a court-ordered level of support required, or there is a written agreement between you and your wife, that trumps the BAH II-WITH. 608-99 isn't meant to be a long-term fix, only a stop-gap to ensure dependents are taken care of until a more permanent solution (divorce, legal separation if it's allowed in your state, or reconciliation) is reached.
Keep in mind that unlike many other regulations, AR 608-99 is punitive, and if you fail to comply, you can be forced to comply by your CO. If you still fail to comply, you can be held accountable.
BAH II-WITH rates for 2013 can be found here: http://www.defensetravel.dod.mil/Docs/perdiem/browse/Allowances/Non-Locality_BAH/2013-Non-Locality-BAH-Rates.pdf
As you are an E-4, your rate per month is $732.30. This may change for 2014, so be sure to check.
Also, though the kids aren't yours, you've enrolled them as dependents, and you'll be held responsible for them unless/until a court order trumps it.
The above answer should not be construed to create a lawyer-client relationship, and is meant to be informational, not legal advice from Jason Kercheval.
I will also add that if you have a security clearance and get behind or fail to pay financial obligations that this could cause issues. Fix this as soon as possible.
This is for general information only. Nothing in this information should be construed as creating an attorney-client relationship nor shall any of this information be construed as providing legal advice. Laws change over time and differ from state to state. These answers are based on California Law.Applicability of the legal principles discussed may differ substantially in individual situations. You should not act upon the information presented herein without consulting an attorney about your particular situation. No attorney-client relationship is established.
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