I believe my ex-husband has been programming and brain washing my kids since we were divorced 8 years ago. All the articles I find on Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) read like pages from my own auto-biography, right down to my ex's parents shelling out endless amounts of money for custody litigation on my ex's behalf. It's like a wall has gone up between my kids and me and they have quit communicating with me. They are good kids but are completely under the influence of their father and have deemed me as disposable. The grandparents mean well but by constantly stepping in to help with things a mother should be involved in, the message is that I am not needed and so the alienation continues to grow and expand. What can I do to stop this ? I keep calling my kids and am nice and calm and keep the conversations focused totally on them. They still act uncomfortable to be on the phone with me and always claim to be too busy to get together. One woman wrote: "It's like fighting a ghost that no one can see... but I know it's there." I think that says it perfectly.
May 09 - Sundbird, I pretty much lost the kids. I get them 3 hours a week. Litigation was like a gerbil on a wheel... spun, but got nowhere. I stipulated to whatever they asked for just to end the battle. I felt it was better for my kids to get things out of court. They're now living with their decision; we all are. I am grief-stricken and heart broken.
You can thank the Child Support Standards Act and its follow on legislation (the Bradley Amendment among others) for your plight.
Parental alienation is considered "junk science" by appellate division certified psychologists because they engage in parental alienation as a function of their jobs. They have to split a family in order for child support to commence so that the state can get federal child support enforcement funds.
This means the judge will not react to allegations of parental alienation because his orders are reviewed by the appellate division.
What you need is an overall case strategy that cannot be described in a few paragraphs. Your case file has to be reviewed in detail. A plan has to be created to address the focus of the conduct of the father. Then, procedurally, the case has to be carefully executed to have a chance at fixing the problem.
You need a local lawyer who is versed in expert witness management and cross examination. I may also recommend a trial consultant versed in areas of psychology that concern children and families, the delivery of mental health services, testing, evaluations and local family law.